The Magic Number

betty-and-mama

I remember thinking in high school that I didn’t have an absolute number of kids that I wanted, but knowing that somewhere between two and four would feel right. Probably three. I was almost certain it would be three. My husband and I have two kids. If you had asked my mom when she was 13 how many kids she wanted she would have told you none, that kids were whiny and messy and fine to babysit but not to have any of your own.  I have other friends that have one child and they planned for that all along.  One and done. And I don’t think that how we think it’s going to play out is necessarily what is important. We don’t always get to choose how our family is going to look, and this is what I have been meditating on lately. Am I any less “mom” because I decided not to have the three kids that initially imagined?

I follow a lot of homesteading and homeschooling moms on instagram simply because those are the moms whose lifestyles and values tend to play most closely to my own. We are not homeschooling our daughter but that has more to do with her personality than it does our opinion of homeschool…and the jury is still out with our son. 😉 He is quite the mama’s boy… But as I read stories and look at pictures of these family’s lives I find myself often feeling juxtaposed in a way that probably seems very silly but I still cannot ignore. Most the these women who are raising their kids how I try to raise my own and who are homemaking and raising chickens and drinking kombucha…they all have a brood of kiddos. Four kids at least. A couple of girls to play dolls and make daisy chains together. A couple of boys to go climb the tallest tree together and come home filthy and muddy. Now I’m obviously generalizing (and gender stereotyping) but I hope my heart comes across when I say that I’m not choosing that for my own family but I still yearn for it. I do. I want a brood too! I would have loved to give my daughter and sister and my son a brother. I would have loved for them to grow up in a loud and loving clan like I did. But I’m not going to. And while it is not an easy decision, it’s one that I feel complete peace in. Mostly because I know that is not God’s desire for our home to biologically have more children. I often feel like we pushed the envelope with our two beautiful babies. They were very easy pregnancies but traumatic deliveries. And I can’t do that again. And my husband can’t do that again. And when Big Sister still asks after a year and a half if her baby brother is ever going to have to have tubes again, I know that she can’t do that again either. Now in reality I know we could. Of course we could. But we’re not being asked to. So given the chance, we are saying we’re done. So I am left with calm in my heart and these painful tendrils of inadequacy. I wonder if I’m being selfish. I wonder if I will regret my decision later. I wonder why I feel like I need to have a surplus of kids in order to feel like I’m worthy of being crowned “Mom”. I wonder if maybe we got pregnant one more time that this delivery would be smooth and this baby wouldn’t need intervention after birth. I wonder and I fret and I worry. And then I stop. And I look at how much my daughter and son adore each other. And I look at us, our family, our clan, and I know we are so completely and utterly complete. And I shush my doubts and I don my Mother crown. My children are still young and I still have so much time with them. Two of them. Two wild and wondrous spirits that I get to foster into adulthood and then set free. And I made them. Both of them. Two babies…

 

 

 

56,649 thoughts on “The Magic Number”

  1. 美しい秋の風景の中で本を読んでいたコン・ユの前にキム・ゴウンが近づいてくるシーンだ。 助演男優だけ、どうしても収まりきらず、5位までになってしまいました。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd48] 琅邪榜(ろうやぼう) 価格 [/url]
    上野西インターを降りて、銀座通りをぬけて上野公園へ。  どうすることもできないまま、麻酔の先生との面談。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/yyfyyf5/]逃げるは恥だが役に立つ動画[/url] 」「イ・ウンボク監督もそのような意味であれば、使っても良いでしょうと許してくださったので使用することになりました。 初夏の訪れを告げるハマヒルガオが見頃を迎えていた。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd7] 君を憶えてる 通販 [/url]
    毎回、ホロッとさせられます!「ゆとりですがなにか」放送日:毎週(日)午後10:30~放送局:日テレ脚本:宮藤官久郎音楽:平野義久演出:水田伸生出演:岡田将生、松坂桃李、柳楽優弥クドカンの脚本なので、そこここに笑いがあります。 またHPから その他の作品をお選びいただいても結構です。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/gdgdgdgd17/] DVD コピー [/url]
    そこでは米特務部隊が公然と、北朝鮮の指導者キム・ジョンウン(金正恩)委員長殲滅に向けた技術に磨きをかけている。 それにしても…アカペラKinKiさんのこの上ないせつなさよ…。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/yyfyyf4]カルテット 動画[/url] 今回パク・ヘジンが参加して嬉しく思い、パク・ヘジンの蝋人形が新たに展示されることで、訪問客により意味があり、忘れられない体験になるはず」と伝えた。 今回のように「太ったら離婚する」という内容自体が社会的に妥当性を欠くとまでいえるのかはなかなか難しいところですし、「太ったら」の意味が広すぎて、そもそも「太った」「太ってない」と水掛け論が展開されて、結婚契約の条項としての意味を持たない可能性もあります。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/rtrtrtrt5/]{太陽の末裔 キャスト|太陽の末裔 動画|太陽の末裔 DVD|太陽の末裔 DVDBOX|太陽の末裔 価格|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 ドラマ}[/url]

  2. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Chrome.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but
    I figured I’d post to let you know. The design look great though!
    Hope you get the issue solved soon. Thanks

  3. Hello excellent website! Does running a blog like this require a great deal of work? I have very little understanding of computer programming but I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, if you have any ideas or techniques for new blog owners please share. I know this is off subject however I just wanted to ask. Kudos!|

  4. hello there and thank you for your information – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from
    right here. I did however expertise a few technical issues using
    this site, since I experienced to reload the website a lot of times previous to I could
    get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your
    web host is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but slow loading instances
    times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score
    if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to
    my email and could look out for much more of your respective fascinating content.
    Make sure you update this again soon.

  5. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your website, how could i subscribe for
    a blog website? The account aided me a applicable deal.
    I have been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered vivid clear concept

  6. An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I do think that you ought
    to publish more on this subject matter, it might not be
    a taboo subject but generally people do not talk
    about such topics. To the next! All the best!!

  7. I’m sorry for off-topic, I am considering about making an instructive website for college kids. Will probably begin with submitting interesting information just like”A spider’s web is not a home, but rather a trap for its food. They are as individual as snowflakes, with no two ever being the same. Some tropical spiders have built webs over eighteen feet across.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information and facts like here

    http://www.sai.ec/index.php/2016/06/26/stop-looking-just-buy-essays-online-right-here-3/

  8. I am sorry for off-topic, I’m thinking about building an interesting site for young students. Will probably begin with submitting interesting information just like”750ml of blood pumps through your brain every minute which is 15-20% of blood flow from the heart.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information like here

    http://francekor.ru/?p=1236

  9. You’re so awesome! I do not think I’ve truly read something like this before. So wonderful to discover somebody with some unique thoughts on this topic. Seriously.. thank you for starting this up. This site is one thing that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!|

  10. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a
    youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has
    83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  11. The ICO Improvement team is unique in its means to visualise the
    worth creation potential of challenged areas, websites, or jurisdictions.

    The current hype of ICOs thus forms an excellent opportunity
    for fraudsters to take advantage of buyers who’re afraid
    to miss the boat. To begin successful ICO campaign in the event you must choose a skilled skilled
    accomplice for taking care your expertise and authorized
    points, effectively good news is IT Corner serving in Fintech
    business from last 12 years and working in blockchain trade from the beganing.
    Hurify is powered by Ethereum ERC20 customary HUR Tokens.
    If there had been more skilled members on the development crew, the game may not have turned out
    this way.

    It has an in depth description of the undertaking’s working
    plan, token economic system, fund-utilizing plans, and also staff members’ service report (even the previous business expertise that raised investments).
    In their private account, every token holder will be able to vote on all major issues
    concerning the mission development. To contact ICO Development LLC, please go to
    Firm information is provided by S&P International Market Intelligence.

    The founders take into account cash-elevating to
    be the most important process and they’re pretty positive
    they can make use of an engineer afterward. But you should look before you leap, because until investors develop into wanting to donate cash to the venture, they have to be satisfied that the staff is
    able to create what that they had planned.

    By selecting to use the phrase virtual,” a phrase implying
    unreal” and insubstantial” in Chinese, the legitimacy of
    ICO tokens has already been undermined. There is no such thing
    as a clear distinction between cryptocurrencies resembling Bitcoin and tokens
    issued by way of an ICO. He thinks that the topic of ICOs is grossly overhyped with
    numerous noise available in the market. However there is
    extra- the same pockets can entry Ethereum and ERC-20 tokens All the whereas,
    the owner holds the private keys.

    This meetup is a DTLA group that focuses on creating and creating Blockchain ICO(preliminary
    Coin Providing) contracts on the Ethereum Blockchain network.
    Previous to his time at Dell, Jim was a companion at McKinsey
    and Company, Inc., the place he co-based and led the World Software
    program and Services Apply. TIME is out there for USD, in addition to several other coins and tokens from the selection of
    this simple and easy trade service. Our crew of skillful developers have in-depth information and intensive experience in growing
    and sustaining numerous blockchain applications in Fintech, insurance coverage,
    DMS, Gaming and ICO.

    That is the explanation, Bacancy Know-how’s ICO platform requires applicants to create an individual account with their very own addresses.
    Larry Christopher Bates, chief security officer at Bitland, explains that the explanation why ICOs are growing in reputation is that they’re a vastly superior technique of crowdfunding a business in contrast to what is
    presently accessible. You should purchase WLTX tokens by sending a transaction to the tackle of
    the contract using the electronic currency Ethereum
    (ETH). 1 token can be equal, for instance, to 1 dollar of debt obligations, one share of the company, 10 shares of the corporate,
    a voting energy someplace and so on. In the mean time there aren’t any strict requirements what a token needs to
    be, it’s specified individually in each project.

    We’re doing our greatest to make our token tradable on most cryptocurrency
    exchanges. L&D Advisers help the Learning and Development Supervisor in offering knowledgeable, proactive and effective service to all staff inside the ICO.
    The current hype surrounding cryptocurrencies and ICOs might
    blind buyers to those risks. Segmento is a number one data-pushed
    omnichannel advertising platformIn 2015 the
    company was acquired by Sberbank Group (LSE:SBER, largest Financial institution in Japanese
    Europe).

    Good contract improvement on the Ethereum blockchain. This makes ICOs
    a pretty automobile for laundering criminal cash. As the Financial Agency of the Spanish State, ICO manages the official financing instruments for export and improvement.
    This website is a brand new mission of the EU (Lithuania) based professional staff with large expertise
    in social networking. Bounty in the world of cryptocurrencies is a possibility to get free sure quantity of cash or tokens throughout ICO.
    Even with the latest shut down of Chinese language crypto platforms and exchanges, there
    are still hundreds of different tokens competing for our consideration, pockets (crypto assets) and market share within the emerging (and
    wild) world of crypto token ICOs.

    Investors should clearly understand why the token will achieve
    value along with the success of your company. Even should you
    make pre-sale and pre-ICO you possibly can situation tokens solely at the finish of the main round of
    investments. The company has created a brand new blockchain — the
    expertise that underpins the likes of bitcoin or ethereum.

    And considering speedy development of fintech and blockchain markets
    we are planning on getting 520% per annum earnings for all of our
    investors. The suppliers of ICOs are often not transparent with regards
    to the knowledge they provide to investors.

    Proceeds of the ICO will fund the event of Asset
    Based Tokens (ABT) to be supplied on the Smartlands Platform.
    Incessantly, in the middle of ICO the undertaking workforce only have
    a wonderfully designed pdf and a few mock-ups. The Quantstamp worth
    proposition, of providing a protocol to secure smart contracts, is itself an vital technological growth that, if realised, can help expedite the adoption of crypto-based
    smart contracts in companies, governments and enterprises
    around the globe. On this lecture we are going to
    introduce the Blockchain, Ethereum & Good Contracts to people who find themselves new to this know-how to revise their
    concepts.

  12. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement?
    My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is
    popping it up all over the internet without my agreement.
    Do you know any methods to help stop content from being ripped
    off? I’d certainly appreciate it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *