No Shame


IMG_3726 (1)

I think we all begin our motherhood journey with an idea of what will define our parenting. At least I did. Either that, or something snatches your attention and your heart along the way and you think to yourself, “yes! I like that!” This absolutely happened for me, and it happened though a beautiful book called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. When I became a mother I knew that I wanted the kind of childhood for my babies that I had. Lots of outdoor time, family trips to the beach and to Eastern Oregon, siblings to play with, and slow easy summers. And Disneyland! Let us never forget Disneyland. But somewhere along the way I started to read about an old, intentional, slow kind of child-rearing. About not beginning formal education until a child is seven, starting every day with at least an hour of outdoor play time, singing and crafting your way through the day, and fairy tale magic. I got turned on to Waldorf education. And immediately I was mesmerized by the images of these woolen clad, rosy cheeked children playing peacefully with wooden toys and prancing with play silks through meadows. “That!” I thought. “That is how I want my children to grow up”. So I bought the play silks. And then when my daughter was old enough I bought white silks so we could dye them ourselves. And I bought her a wooden doll cradle and a little stuffed Waldorf doll and went for the wooden play kitchen instead of the plastic one. We read sweet, gentle stories and picked apples and made jam. And some of that…SOME of that…was absolutely wonderful. We still do a lot of those things. But time and time again I felt like a phony mom trying to live some lifestyle that wasn’t really me.  When I was pregnant with our son I started off the baby registry with only the most simply wooden toys, all organic clothing and linens, and none of the extra “stuff”. And then I started remembering back four years prior to having my daughter as an infant…and things like pacifiers and musical mobiles and a vibrating bouncy chair snuck their way in. And before I knew it, we were ready for baby boy with a lot of natural, organic, beautiful baby items in his nursery…and some really convenient plastic things too.  And this is how I have tried to parent, with each hand in a seemingly opposing stream of parenting not feeling like I was genuinely anything.

Fast forward to last week. The beginning of my four days long turmoil that ended in an epiphany about 2.5 seconds before I started writing this post. Thursday of last week I was 99% certain that we would be sending our daughter to a local kindergarten through 6th grade Waldorf School. The “day in the kindergarten” experience that we had attended was absolutely wonderful and my daughter had not stopped talking about how excited she was to go to that school. Despite the relatively long drive and private school tuition, the whole thing felt good. Not perfect, but good. And then I had our intake interview. I knew all the questions to expect. What was our daughter’s birth like? How is her temperament? Has she been exposed to media? Does she participate in any extracurricular activities? I can tell you that the last two questions are posed with a specific answer in mind. The Waldorf way is specific and intentional and doesn’t just involve the child’s life at school. This sweet kindergarten teacher wanted me to say “no, our daughter does not watch tv or movies”. But I didn’t say “no”. I answered honestly. Yes, we have parented our children with exposure to tv and movies and the occasional game on a tablet or laptop. We have all been to Disneyland as a family and we don’t think that Disney is the equivalent of The Devil. And yes, our 5 year old has taken swim lessons, dance, and gymnastics. She does not live the perfect Waldorf home life, and up until that very moment I had been very comfortable with that. But as I said “yes” to the media question, I watched the woman visibly cringe and I simultaneously felt myself shrink. Yep. You heard that right. I allowed her to shame me. The rest of the interview was rushed and blurred because a certain 1 year old had just about had it with not having Mama’s undivided attention, so we scheduled a time for me to come back with fill out paperwork with the admonition that “there is a media free policy at the school as long as she is in attendance”. I drove home stewing. I cleaned the house and did my workout and put my babies to bed and did all of my normal stuff….stewing. Here’s the thing. If I was convicted that watching a little tv here and there was seriously detrimental to my daughter I would have taken it away already. But that’s just not my conviction. It might be yours, and I embrace and applaud that. You might also think that cloth diapering is a complete waste of time, or that Popcicles are going to rot your kids’ teeth. (They might…we just brush really well after.) The point is, my husband and I have been very sure to parent based on education and conviction about what is best for our children as individuals. So if we had decided together that our daughter attending this school was absolutely worth some sacrifices, the one thing that I could not sacrifice was my dignity. Because I am a good mom. And nothing is worth me sending my little girl to a school that will be expecting our family to fit a perfect mold so that every time we walk through that gate I have to pretend to be something that I’m not. You and I are all products of our choices and our convictions, but chances are there are too many things that you care deeply enough about to make it all work the way you want it. I’m right there with you. There are a lot of things that I want for my kids that don’t get to happen because other priorities are greater. Like this school. I adore Waldorf pedagogy. I think it is beautiful and artistic and brilliantly aligned with childhood development. But I don’t agree with all of its other tenants. And more than I love the idea of my kids going to Waldorf school, I love the idea of them going to a fantastic public school where the message will be that everyone belongs and everyone is accepted.

God didn’t give my children to a mom who loves to bake. He didn’t send their beautiful souls to a seamstress, a mathematician, or to a morning person. He did send them to a woman who is learning to be brave but will fight tooth and nail to make sure that they feel honored and accepted. He sent them to a mom who loves toys more than they do, adores Disney, and despite being an otherwise horrible baker can actually produce a perfect chocolate chip cookie… and then run it off later with joy. When I texted my husband earlier that I had stumbled upon this “ah ha” moment, I simply said “If God wanted the kids to go to Waldorf school and be raised in the way that entails, then He would have sent them to a Waldorf family”. His response was absolutely perfect. “Yep, and we’re the best parents that we can be. And I’m damn proud of the parents that we are.” I am too, My Love.

The shame that I allowed that teacher to put on me is gone. I’m just a normal mom, doing the best I can with the greatest job I’ll ever do. So are you. And we’re doing a pretty damn good job.


340,399 thoughts on “No Shame”

  1. I have gpginnsscv realized that over the course of building a relationship with real estate owners, you’ll be able to come to understand that, in most real estate contract, a commission is paid. Eventually, FSBO sellers do not save the payment. Rather, they try to earn the commission by way of doing a agent’s job. In this, they invest their money in addition to time to execute, as best they could, the tasks of an adviser. Those tasks include revealing the home via marketing, representing the home to buyers, developing a sense of buyer emergency in order to trigger an offer, booking home inspections, handling qualification inspections with the lender, supervising fixes, and aiding the closing.

  2. I think other site proprietors should take this web site as an model, very clean and magnificent user genial style and design, let alone the content. You’re an expert in this topic!

  3. Famke Janssen introduced movie-goers to the unbelievable and dangerous telekinetic powersof Jean Grey, but she’s another character getting a reboot that was tiny for X-Men: Apocalypse.

  4. According to The Fear of The Sword, The knight’s point guard deron Williams is a fan of MMA (mixed), compared to The basketball game, deron prefer to watch The ultimate fighting championship.Deron Williams recently said in an interview, he retired from the NBA
    curry 4 shoes

  5. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  6. I needed to compose you the very little word to finally give many thanks once again for all the superb information you’ve provided at this time. This has been certainly tremendously open-handed of people like you giving publicly precisely what a number of people could possibly have sold for an electronic book to make some money for themselves, chiefly now that you might have done it if you wanted. Those creative ideas as well worked to provide a easy way to know that the rest have similar fervor really like my personal own to understand a whole lot more pertaining to this issue. I’m sure there are some more pleasant moments ahead for those who find out your site.

  7. I wish to express my thanks to this writer for bailing me out of this type of scenario. Right after checking throughout the internet and finding views which were not pleasant, I assumed my entire life was gone. Living without the answers to the problems you’ve sorted out by means of this guide is a crucial case, as well as those that would have badly damaged my entire career if I hadn’t come across the website. The mastery and kindness in taking care of all the pieces was useful. I am not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come upon such a subject like this. I’m able to at this point look forward to my future. Thanks a lot very much for your impressive and effective guide. I will not think twice to recommend your site to anyone who requires guidelines on this subject.

  8. Excellent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea|

  9. I simply couldn’t depart your web site prior to suggesting that I extremely loved the standard information a person provide to your guests? Is gonna be again frequently to investigate cross-check new posts

  10. I have to show some appreciation to the writer just for rescuing me from this predicament. Right after looking through the the web and obtaining things that were not helpful, I was thinking my entire life was well over. Being alive without the presence of strategies to the issues you have solved by means of your website is a crucial case, as well as the ones which might have in a negative way affected my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your blog. That competence and kindness in touching all the stuff was precious. I’m not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come upon such a step like this. I can at this moment look forward to my future. Thank you so much for this impressive and effective guide. I will not be reluctant to endorse the sites to any individual who needs counselling on this situation.

  11. When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!

  12. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  13. Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the web the easiest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about worries that they just do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  14. Love the website– really individual friendly and great deals to see!

    Manga mortals lider av otillracklig penisstorlek. Det kan finnas olika orsaker, inklusive alder, ofta weight, ohalsosam eller otillracklig naring, brist pa vila, brist pa hormoner, alkohol och nikotin missbruk och annat. Alla leder manure samma resultat: nedgang i kvaliteten pa sexlivet.
    Supervised de senaste 20 aren har bout sett fellow i alla aldrar och livsstilar med detta problem. Vi lyckades hitta det perfekta botemedlet for att hjalpa dem. Namligen Titan Gel! At the beck kliniska provningar har det visat sig vara effektivt aven i de svaraste situationerna.
    Bout kan verkligen rekommendera Titan Gel site suck my dick definition work alla mina patienter som den basta losningen. De som redan har provat det uppskattar det mycket!

  15. 外観に有る通り、カレーとスパゲッティのメニューが各種並びますが、今日は鼻から「カツカレー」の気分。 千夜一夜物語の第27夜コック長の話の中に、クミンの強い香りで調理したシチューを出された若者が、その美味しさのあまりお腹いっぱい食べた後、つい手を洗うのを忘れてしまったため、手足の親指を切り落とされるという逸話があります。 [url=]タイトリスト 718 CB アイアン[/url]
    クラブの見方と構えやすさの関係これがわかれば、スイングはタイミングだけかも。 上から目線で「粛々」という言葉を使えば使うほど、県民の心が離れて、怒りは増幅していくでしょう」と脅している。
    [url=]xxio9 アイアン 単品[/url] 5月8日、南太平洋上で行われた珊瑚海海戦で、空母「翔鶴」が中破し戦線を離脱、また「瑞鶴」も無傷であるものの参加した搭乗員の損耗が激しくミッドウェー作戦に第五航空戦隊は参加出来ませんでした。 一日も早い日常復旧を心よりお祈り申し上げます。
    [url=]g30 シャフト[/url]
    0235年 – 最初の軍人皇帝(主に配下の軍事力を背景に廃立[臣下が、君主を廃して他の人を君主に立てること]された諸皇帝)として知られるマクシミヌス・トラクスがローマ皇帝に即位する。 *マルマン<7834.T> 279 +55 インバウンド関連との見方で短期資金を巻き込み急騰。 [url=]ゼクシオ forged[/url]
    母指球下にも大きな六角形ズームエアを配置!!蹴りだし時の反発感を得られやすいようになってます。 4/14~5/3は赤井さん柄で、新ちゃん誕生日の5/4~5/31は新ちゃん柄、6/1~6/30は安室柄のクリアファイルだそうです。
    [url=]タイトリスト 718 MB[/url] 次のチャンスでは、栗山にバントのサインを出しました。 まぁそんなことはやる気のある息子には何も言わないとして、スタートは頑張れよって言っています。
    [url=]ゴルフ ミズノ ウェッジ[/url]

  16. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your site.
    Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?

    A small number of my blog visitors have complained about my site not operating correctly
    in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you
    have any ideas to help fix this problem?

  17. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who had been doing a littleresearch on this. And he in fact ordered me breakfast due to the fact that I discovered it for him…lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!!But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss this topic here on your site.

  18. I think this is among the most significant information for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The website style is perfect, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *