Growing a Rocky Garden- The Freedom of Imperfection

garden

 

I am a classic perfectionist. Born of a family of “it’s the other guy’s fault” and “you’re the best one out there” I grew up expecting more of myself than I should have and did not experience failure well. I still don’t. I’m pouting tonight. I’m finally not too proud to admit that. I submitted a short writing piece- not my best work but still good- to a motherhood journal to be one of this quarter’s authors. I did not get selected. So much of me wants to sink into the words that my dad would say if I were to call him tonight and tell him. “It was rigged. You’re just as good as the ten people chosen. They must have been intimidated by you…” But the truth is, I read the pieces written by the women who were selected, and they are simply much better writers. The prose, the voice, the lyricism in each of their pieces was exquisite. What I had to offer wasn’t up to par, plain and simple. And that’s OK! Can I get better? Absolutely. Do I want to become a better writer? Yes. Does this relate to motherhood? It does. 😉

I want to be the perfect mom. It’s my “job”. I’ve been good at every job I’ve done. But all of those jobs came with training, with clear expectations and regular affirmation of work quality. Nothing prepares us adequately for the thrill, shock, and rollercoaster ride that is mothering a child. And yet we hold ourselves to a standard that suggests otherwise.  This morning my daughter screamed and got mad at something (a daily occurrence) but for some reason the way she yelled stunned and terrified my 5 month old son to the point of hiccuping sobs. His hiccuping sobs made my daughter feel so bad that she started bawling and I was left to rock, shush and calm both of them thinking to myself “who could have told me that I would be here, trying to calm both of my hysterical children all because of one angry little scream?” I had to laugh. They were both crying simply because the other was crying! I wanted to scream at the lunacy of it! The whole situation was ludicrous. And there are many many ludicrous scenarios that we will endure in our parenting journeys. Nothing prepared me for the night that my daughter would throw herself out of her crib in a desperate attempt to get to us. Nobody prepared me for my son being wheeled on a cart into the NICU just minutes after he was separated from my body and for the first time in 41 weeks not being able to wrap my arms around him. And most days I certainly don’t know what to do with my too smart, so fiery, always questioning little girl. I snap. I yell. I make mistakes and I hate it. I’m not perfect at being her mother. But do you know what my Heavenly Father reminds me in those moments of intense remorse when I have to hang my head at the way I fall short or am left powerless? My kids don’t need a perfect mother. Neither do yours. Because they are going to fail. They are going to make mistakes and fall down hard and come up short. And they don’t need a parent who tells them to place blame elsewhere. They don’t need a mother or father to make excuses for them or to tell them they need to be perfect at everything. Our children do need someone to show them their strengths and weaknesses and to see both with grace-filled clarity. They need someone to hold them when they fail and to explore both the ways in which they can do better and the ways in which they simply can’t. Sometimes even our best will not make the grade. That’s OK too. It can be shocking to have those first experiences of wingless leaps. We are not always going to take off and soar. Oh we want to. So badly we want to. Especially when we work so hard. Tally the bruises. Safeguard the scars. They make you human and ensure that your babes will be raised with the fearlessness that comes with pure love and acceptance. My garden is filled with rocks but it is yielding some beautiful growth. If that’s not a metaphor for motherhood then I don’t know one.

Grace to you, sweet hearts. There is freedom in grace

52,493 thoughts on “Growing a Rocky Garden- The Freedom of Imperfection”

  1. Sorry for off-topic, I am considering about building an instructive web site for kids. May possibly begin with submitting interesting information such as”Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information like right here

    https://notehub.org/g0qur

  2. Wonderful beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I have been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided brilliant clear idea|

  3. After exploring a few of the blog posts on your web site, I honestly appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my website too and tell me your opinion.|

  4. Having read this I thought it was extremely informative.
    I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this information together.

    I once again find myself personally spending
    a lot of time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it!

  5. Great post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed! Very useful information specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was looking for this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.|

  6. There are some attention-grabbing cut-off dates in this article however I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There may be some validity however I will take maintain opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we would like extra! Added to FeedBurner as well

  7. Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I want to put in writing like this moreover ?taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article?however what can I say?I procrastinate alot and by no means appear to get one thing done.

  8. Nice post. I learn something more challenging on different blogs everyday. It will always be stimulating to read content from other writers and practice a little something from their store. I’d prefer to use some with the content on my blog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll give you a link on your web blog. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Many thanks for discussing this, I bookmarked this page. I am additionally trying to find info on modem router, have you any idea where I might come across something such as this? I will be back in a little while!

  10. Sorry for off-topic, I’m thinking about creating an instructive website for pupils. May possibly start with posting interesting facts such as”Babies are born without knee caps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information and facts such as right here

    https://essayonline0.wordpress.com/2018/02/08/write-my-college-essay-we-hear-it-each-day-and-we-are-here-to-help/

  11. I want to express my passion for your generosity supporting those individuals that have the need for assistance with in this idea. Your special dedication to passing the message around turned out to be amazingly interesting and have helped many people much like me to attain their objectives. Your personal valuable help and advice can mean so much a person like me and much more to my office workers. Regards; from each one of us.

  12. Thank you for this excellent article! I actually liked it.I’ll be sure to save this website and will come back in the future. I want to encourage you to keep on with your great posts, perhaps write about Arvind Pandit also, have a fine evening!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *