Breathing Life into Dry Bones

image

When I was about 7 months pregnant with my son, my second child, the wild woman in me started to rise up. I hope you know her. We don’t talk about her much in Western culture and she certainly doesn’t get ladylike points. But you have felt her, and she’s there within even if she has been smooshed down so far that she’s only taking up residence in your toes. She’s the fierce mother hen that rises up within when you see someone being mistreated. She’s the fire you feel in your belly when you’ve been aroused. The wistful longing that takes over when you look out over a field and get the urge to run- the choking kind of need, of want for more. Clarissa Pinkola Estes gave me a name for her when I first picked up Women Who Run With the Wolves in graduate school. (Please, please if you are a woman read this book. And if you’re not, buy a copy and give it to a woman… and then you may as well read it too.) So when I started to prepare for Baby Boy’s birth it was my wildish self that I felt awakening more every day.

When I gave birth to my daughter I was a different woman. For one, I wasn’t a mother yet. I hadn’t experienced cut off my right arm for you love or stared at 10 round piggy toes like they were the key to my very existence. I certainly wasn’t bold. That’s an attribute that I’m still learning and a role I’m practicing. Hers was not an uninformed birth by any means, but it was not an empowered one. I was induced at 10 days past my estimated due date because I truly didn’t think I had the option of saying “no”. But I knew she wasn’t ready yet. An early manual rupture of membranes (water breaking) with a long labor lead to infection and a fever. Add back labor and pitocin and I made the decision to get an epidural. Somehow I knew all along that an induction would eventually lead to a c-section and 28 hours later that is exactly what happened. Her birth story is only beautiful because it gave me her. Isn’t that sad? Shouldn’t it have other redeeming qualities? Yes, it should. And it does. I got to see my family come through and support me in the most sacrificial way possible. While I labored down and then pushed for hours and hours my mom, husband and sister took turns holding my legs and feeding me ice chips…until 4am people. 4am. Now that’s love. But her birth? Her actual birth? Well it was surgery and I hadn’t wanted that. Not because a c-section isn’t birth but because I hadn’t prepared for it to be, and I didn’t know how to make it a beautiful, spiritual experience. It left me feeling empty- like a mere vessel whose existence was importance but feelings were not.

The story of my healing from birth trauma and postpartum depression is one for another day. The story of the Wild Woman? Let’s get back to her. So there I was, 7 months pregnant and suddenly faced with Her. I don’t know how far down I had pushed my wild woman. She wasn’t all the way down into my toes, but I certainly hadn’t been living with her living and breathing through me. When I picked up Women Who Run With the Wolves the words struck a chord like they hadn’t in their first reading. In particular, I resonated with the story of La Loba: Wolf Woman. The story of La Loba can be found in various forms from Eastern Europe all the way to Mexico. Always, she is an old woman, crawling and creeping through dry river beds and canyons, mountains and forests in search of old bones- wolf bones in particular. And when she has collected enough bones to create an entire animal she sings over the bones and breathes life into them. Slowly the skeleton begin to flesh out until it is alive, strong and covered with fur. It is her job to awaken the animal and give it vitality once more. At the time, reading this story I had no idea why it resonated with me. But it did and even all through my labor with my son the story kept coming back to me.

I know why now. I know why and it chokes me with tears of deep deep gratitude. You see my birth with Baby Boy was almost identical to my birth with Little Miss. I was induced with her at midnight and went into spontaneous labor with my son also at midnight. Both babies were posterior facing and gave me excruciating back labor. I had a fever for both of their deliveries. Both labors were 28 hours, ending at 4am. They were born weighing an ounce apart. At first I didn’t understand why Baby Boy’s birth had to be so similar to his sister’s. Why couldn’t my body figure out how to deliver a baby in less than 28 hours? Why, through all of my exercises and attempts to get him facing the right way did he still insist on being posterior, making labor and delivery incredibly difficult and painful? Why couldn’t I get through labor without an epidural? And to all of these questions, I finally have the answer. “Because”, God says, “don’t you see? I was gathering the bones. The bones of your first delivery- the bones that were left dried out and scattered when your dream of a natural birth died. I gathered every little piece that told the story of your daughter’s birth and I redeemed them.” See my birth with my son was hard, but the ending? Oh the ending. The vaginal birth that healed me. The act that brought me back to myself and showed me courage that I did not know I had. The reason it had to resemble my daughter’s was so that I could see that the pieces didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I chose an epidural or that I didn’t have a 6 hour labor. The life behind the birth is what matters. The breath. The existence. The love.

It matters that we are heard and honored in birth. It matters that we feel respected and valued. It matters that we have options and the knowledge to make healthy decisions. I have known both sides of this coin and the flip side? It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful regardless of the outcome. When God woke up those old bones He woke me up with them. And I am thankful. So very very thankful.

 

212,702 thoughts on “Breathing Life into Dry Bones”

  1. Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how
    could i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided
    me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

  2. I do not even understand how I finished up right here, however I believed
    this publish was good. I don’t recognize who you’re but definitely
    you are going to a well-known blogger if you happen to aren’t already.

    Cheers!

  3. I know this website gives quality based articles or reviews and extra data,
    is there any other site which presents these data in quality?

  4. can often be made better name of the wind epub when you aren’t getting enough sleep grapes of wrath epub you just
    have to the right marketing 50 shades of grey epub free any area of
    mobile harry potter epub (Krystal) the process isn’t troublesome
    vampire academy epub

  5. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?

    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any
    recommendations?

  6. Dear Bob. I sat back and really enjoyed your perceptions about the pictures of our childhood and our digital picture taking today. What a wonderful tribute you have given to your mom who obviously was a mentor for you. This inspires me to sit with my family and look at old albums together when we get together for Memorial Day. You reflected on this topic “just right.” Thank you.

  7. 同社は Microsoft Exchange Online と MicrosoftLync Online を使用して います。 近年、IT業種の発展はますます速くなることにつれて、ITを勉強する人は急激に多くなりました。 [url=http://www.serialkeys.org/]ms office 2010 personal[/url]
    PCSpeedCAT 削除アンインストール方法PC SpeedCAT を手動インストールしてしまった場合の対処方法ですます。 このメッセージは、そのようなドライバーを 64 ビット エディションの Windows にインストールしようとした場合にのみ表示されます。
    [url=http://www.ofisu2013.com/category/Microsoft%20%E3%83%9E%E3%82%A4%E3%82%AF%E3%83%AD%E3%82%BD%E3%83%95%E3%83%88/Office%20Professional%20Plus%202016]office2016 メディア 購入[/url] インターネットエクスプローラーに比べて動作が軽くなっているWindows 10の新ブラウザー「Microsoft Edge」。  POP方式は受信したメールをプロバイダのメールサーバーに保存し、ユーザーはそのメールサーバーからメールを自PCにダウンロードして読む方式です。
    [url=http://www.office2016jpjp.net/officeprofessionalplus2013-c-2_17.html]office2013 ソフト[/url]
    使い慣れたOfficeソフト(Word、Excel、PowerPoint)そのものではないが、Windows10スマホには、その簡易版がプレインストールされている。 しかし、こちらはWindows Updateを使用してアップグレードすることでもあり、ほとんど自動的にアップグレードが済んでしまう。 [url=http://www.office2016jpjp.net/officeprofessionalplus2010-c-2_18.html]office personal 2010 ダウンロード 版[/url]
    今日明日は暖かく、来週も暖かさが続くらしい。 ③Solitaire Collectionが起動しない。
    [url=http://www.ofisu2013.com/category/Adobe%20%E3%82%A2%E3%83%89%E3%83%93]Acrobat 11ライセンス認証[/url] OSにWindows RTを搭載する「Surface RT」は今年3月に発売済みだった。  さらに今朝見たら、勝手にアップしたんだろう、KB3150513も入っていた。
    [url=http://www.officehb.com/category/Adobe%20%E3%82%A2%E3%83%89%E3%83%93]Acrobat 11[/url]

  8. I’ve been surfing on-line greater than 3 hours as of late, but I by no means found any attention-grabbing
    article like yours. It is beautiful worth sufficient for me.
    Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you probably
    did, the net can be a lot more helpful than ever before.

  9. 3.「ローカルアカウントでのサインインに切り替える」をクリック。  Windows 10のリリースに関するMicrosoftの現在の命名規則に準拠するこのビルド番号は、次期Redstone 2が2017年3月に提供される可能性を示唆している。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/listofnews/]windows 10 の ダウンロード[/url]
    取り出したハードディスクから Windows Live Mail とアドレス帳救出手順の概略この記事では、Windows Live Mail のデータファイルとアドレス帳を救出する手順の概略を説明します。 ちょっと冒険して見ませんか?スタート画面は一度アプリビューにピン止めしてから出ないとスタート画面に登録できませんのでちょっと不便ですよね。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/micronewsok/]windows8.1 ストア アプリ[/url] 以前の酷い目の記事はこちら/jirakudou001/36138321.htmlところが対策が甘かったのか、ある日パソコンをスリープ状態にして眠ったら、一晩経ったら勝手にwindows10にアップグレードされてしまいました。 クロウさんは片脚が義足で、ゾウが襲い掛かってきたときに逃げることができなかった。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/win7key]win7 アップグレード[/url]
    問題は、マイクロソフトが実際にそれを手に入れられるかどうか、である。 店頭価格は、Homeエディションが税込13,800~14,900円前後、Proエディションが税込25,800~27,800円前後(一部ショップでは10%のポイント還元サービス付き)。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/in7key/]windows8 セットアップ[/url]
    (2003は2013/12/31で終了)これと、MCAS(Microsoft Certified Application Specialist)。 日本語の細かい設定は英語設定下では無効なのである。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/windows7s]win8.1 アップグレード[/url] 他にもWindows Update、HeatOnlineなどを入れたり、自分のいいようにしていると今になったわけで・・・いやいや、まだ作業は残っているのですが~・・・ ディスクデフラグなどなど。 さて、どっちなんだろう? chart.name を構成するのは、シート名 なのか ブック名なのか?そこで実証しました。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/f2013]office personal 2013 ダウンロード 版[/url]

  10. Hmm is anyoone else having problеms with thee pictudes on this blog loading?

    I’m tryіng to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
    Any suggestions wߋuld Ьe greatly appreciated.

  11. I like the valuable info you supply to your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.
    I am slightly sure I’ll be informed many new stuff proper
    right here! Good luck for the next!

  12. I am curious to find out what blog system you’re working with?
    I’m experiencing some small security problems with my latest
    blog and I’d like to find something more risk-free. Do you have any recommendations?

  13. This is the right blog for anybody who would like to understand this topic.
    You know a whole lot its almost hard to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa).
    You definitely put a brand new spin on a subject which has been written about for many years.
    Great stuff, just excellent!

  14. The next time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I do know it was my choice to read, however I actually thought youd have something attention-grabbing to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you could possibly fix should you werent too busy on the lookout for attention.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *