Breathing Life into Dry Bones

image

When I was about 7 months pregnant with my son, my second child, the wild woman in me started to rise up. I hope you know her. We don’t talk about her much in Western culture and she certainly doesn’t get ladylike points. But you have felt her, and she’s there within even if she has been smooshed down so far that she’s only taking up residence in your toes. She’s the fierce mother hen that rises up within when you see someone being mistreated. She’s the fire you feel in your belly when you’ve been aroused. The wistful longing that takes over when you look out over a field and get the urge to run- the choking kind of need, of want for more. Clarissa Pinkola Estes gave me a name for her when I first picked up Women Who Run With the Wolves in graduate school. (Please, please if you are a woman read this book. And if you’re not, buy a copy and give it to a woman… and then you may as well read it too.) So when I started to prepare for Baby Boy’s birth it was my wildish self that I felt awakening more every day.

When I gave birth to my daughter I was a different woman. For one, I wasn’t a mother yet. I hadn’t experienced cut off my right arm for you love or stared at 10 round piggy toes like they were the key to my very existence. I certainly wasn’t bold. That’s an attribute that I’m still learning and a role I’m practicing. Hers was not an uninformed birth by any means, but it was not an empowered one. I was induced at 10 days past my estimated due date because I truly didn’t think I had the option of saying “no”. But I knew she wasn’t ready yet. An early manual rupture of membranes (water breaking) with a long labor lead to infection and a fever. Add back labor and pitocin and I made the decision to get an epidural. Somehow I knew all along that an induction would eventually lead to a c-section and 28 hours later that is exactly what happened. Her birth story is only beautiful because it gave me her. Isn’t that sad? Shouldn’t it have other redeeming qualities? Yes, it should. And it does. I got to see my family come through and support me in the most sacrificial way possible. While I labored down and then pushed for hours and hours my mom, husband and sister took turns holding my legs and feeding me ice chips…until 4am people. 4am. Now that’s love. But her birth? Her actual birth? Well it was surgery and I hadn’t wanted that. Not because a c-section isn’t birth but because I hadn’t prepared for it to be, and I didn’t know how to make it a beautiful, spiritual experience. It left me feeling empty- like a mere vessel whose existence was importance but feelings were not.

The story of my healing from birth trauma and postpartum depression is one for another day. The story of the Wild Woman? Let’s get back to her. So there I was, 7 months pregnant and suddenly faced with Her. I don’t know how far down I had pushed my wild woman. She wasn’t all the way down into my toes, but I certainly hadn’t been living with her living and breathing through me. When I picked up Women Who Run With the Wolves the words struck a chord like they hadn’t in their first reading. In particular, I resonated with the story of La Loba: Wolf Woman. The story of La Loba can be found in various forms from Eastern Europe all the way to Mexico. Always, she is an old woman, crawling and creeping through dry river beds and canyons, mountains and forests in search of old bones- wolf bones in particular. And when she has collected enough bones to create an entire animal she sings over the bones and breathes life into them. Slowly the skeleton begin to flesh out until it is alive, strong and covered with fur. It is her job to awaken the animal and give it vitality once more. At the time, reading this story I had no idea why it resonated with me. But it did and even all through my labor with my son the story kept coming back to me.

I know why now. I know why and it chokes me with tears of deep deep gratitude. You see my birth with Baby Boy was almost identical to my birth with Little Miss. I was induced with her at midnight and went into spontaneous labor with my son also at midnight. Both babies were posterior facing and gave me excruciating back labor. I had a fever for both of their deliveries. Both labors were 28 hours, ending at 4am. They were born weighing an ounce apart. At first I didn’t understand why Baby Boy’s birth had to be so similar to his sister’s. Why couldn’t my body figure out how to deliver a baby in less than 28 hours? Why, through all of my exercises and attempts to get him facing the right way did he still insist on being posterior, making labor and delivery incredibly difficult and painful? Why couldn’t I get through labor without an epidural? And to all of these questions, I finally have the answer. “Because”, God says, “don’t you see? I was gathering the bones. The bones of your first delivery- the bones that were left dried out and scattered when your dream of a natural birth died. I gathered every little piece that told the story of your daughter’s birth and I redeemed them.” See my birth with my son was hard, but the ending? Oh the ending. The vaginal birth that healed me. The act that brought me back to myself and showed me courage that I did not know I had. The reason it had to resemble my daughter’s was so that I could see that the pieces didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that I chose an epidural or that I didn’t have a 6 hour labor. The life behind the birth is what matters. The breath. The existence. The love.

It matters that we are heard and honored in birth. It matters that we feel respected and valued. It matters that we have options and the knowledge to make healthy decisions. I have known both sides of this coin and the flip side? It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful regardless of the outcome. When God woke up those old bones He woke me up with them. And I am thankful. So very very thankful.

 

187,202 thoughts on “Breathing Life into Dry Bones”

  1. Konan dit :OP j’ai pas encore vraiment suivi pour juger donc je ne peux m’exprimer sur lui amis je sais qu’il d’innombrables adorateurs. Fairy Tail et Bleach j’ai pas accroché hélas, Death Note parfait dans son genre. FMA me parle, une sémiologie émane de ce conflit humain / homonculus, je comprend que tout le monde ne peux aimer ce genre d’histoire, chacun ses goûts et ses préférences, il fait cependant l’unanimité chez pas mal de fans de manga.Aime : 0

  2.  (参考: 阿川佐和子著『強父論』 文芸春秋社刊)★先週17日にはアメリカでトランプ大統領のロシア疑惑が深刻化し、1日でダウ平均は372ドル下落した。 公開されたメインポスターには「はんこを押して。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd7] 君を憶えてる DVD [/url]
    休憩・運転を含め、約3時間で諏訪湖サービスエリアへ。 イ・ジョンソクのハンサムな外見と共に高い鼻筋が視線を引きつけた。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/rtrtrtrt5/]{太陽の末裔 キャスト|太陽の末裔 動画|太陽の末裔 DVD|太陽の末裔 DVDBOX|太陽の末裔 価格|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 ドラマ}[/url] 劇中、ユン・ソリムは平凡に見えるが、ひときわ明るい笑顔と生まれ持った音色で歌い、人々の心をつかむビタミンボイスを持った女子高生だ。 返事をしないと、次はわたしの頬をピタピタと叩きに来るから、そこをねじ伏せて引っ張り込んでやろう。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd24] 水滸伝 ドラマ 吹き替え [/url]
    彼は手で空に丸を描いて見せながら「キム・ジンミンプロデューサーは僕がこれほど準備すれば、もっと大きなものを求めます。 見終わった後で知ったのだが、この番組はブームとなった「恋ダンス」の「逃げるは恥だが役に立つ」の次の番組だったとのこと。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/rtrtrtrt5/]{太陽の末裔 キャスト|太陽の末裔 動画|太陽の末裔 DVD|太陽の末裔 DVDBOX|太陽の末裔 価格|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 人気|太陽の末裔 ドラマ}[/url]
    韓流スター賞JTBC「青春時代」のハン・スンヨン、ホットスター賞tvN「記憶」のイ・ギウに戻った。 だが、そう言う通俗の所為も有ってか北先生の面影と辻先生の面影は文学的印象としてちと違ったものに感じ取れると言うのも確かだ。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd9] 恋愛の発見 動画 [/url] ラスト12枚目の写真がPCにアップできませんでした。 こうした出来事自体、大変重要な意味を持っている。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/rtrtrtrt2]カルテットDVD BOX[/url]

  3. If we find out this vote was rigged in any way- I really hope we all stand up and do something about it- Florida 2004 was embarrassing for our country- and should not have been allowed to happen.If there is any funny business- we should not wait another 4 years to make things right.

  4. I just want to make sure I’m doing this right…in this recipe, is the sauce the only carbs that are being counted? Since the cheese and the zucchini are on the “can eat” list do we not count these? I have a jar of the “Raos” sauce and there’s 3 net carbs per serving which is a 1/2 cup. In this recipe there are 2 cups and there are 6 servings per recipe….Seems like it would be less than 5 net carbs per serving if I’m doing this right….sorry to be so confusing!! Thanks!

  5. There are some interesting points in time in this article however I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There’s some validity but I will take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we would like more! Added to FeedBurner as nicely http://www.potjemetvet.nl

  6. HejElisabethJag vill bara säga hur FANTASTISK jag tycker du är!!! Oavsett om du varit utan denna skitsjukdom eller inte så är du en människa som inspirerar, stärker och ger människor hopp! Du är, ursäkta upprepningen eller förresten ursäkta inte, DU ÄR FANTASTISK! Kram till er <3 / Anna

  7. Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your website is very cool. I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the info I already searched all over the place and simply could not come across. What a great web site.

  8. When she teaches potential writers, Natalie Golberg refers to
    becoming writing practice. Begin Every Day With Free Writing – Free writing is
    spontaneous, timed writing, for five, ten or 15 minutes.

    I don’t know if I might go using that type of situation, and I feel
    sorry for those that must.

  9. Shit Heather, have you read the comments about your youtube video? Id disable comments on that one. Next time your going to spew hate speech, at least do it without reading it like a drama queen hoping to get attention from the viewers that your obviously not getting from  your husband. If its one thing guys hate, its nagging ungrateful bitches pre-occupied about every lb.

  10. I actually think your make-up looks nice and tidy! I understand your wanting to get rid of the acrylic containers, though; I prefer to keep my items hidden as well.I have such a small collection of make-up, I use maybe ten or fifteen items a day anyway. LOL!Great post!

  11. antonio danieli scrive:lo solo sappiamoè un blog di speleologiama la libertàquella veranon quella dei mafiosi e dei politici corrotti e corruttorifa parte dei nostri argomentiperché più rubano loro e meno resta a noi per fare ricerca e culturagrazie scatgrazie perché anche tra noi c’è chi ancora non si rende contoe si illude di aver a che fare con un “galant’uomo”…..

  12. Er det noen som har erfaringer de vil dele med det styrkeprogrammet som er satt opp i denne artikkelen? Jeg har bestemt meg for at jeg skal starte med et ferdig oppsatt program, men er så usikker på hvilket jeg skal velge. Det som er beskrevet her ser veldig enkelt og fint ut, men det er jo også flere andre programmer å velge mellom her, blant annet det til Børge Fagerli. Hvordan vet jeg hvilket jeg får best effekt av?

  13. Isn’t it fun to discover your little girl is such great company at your favorite hang out places? It’s like a little bonus that you and she can enjoy together. She looks so happy, and like she’s really enjoying it, it’s so good to see.

  14. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  15. Olet oikein tervetullut takaisin!! Kaikki aiheet tervetulleita, luotan tapaasi kirjoittaa aiheesta minkä valitset 😉 Myös vauva-aiheiset käy enemmän kuin hyvin!! Tai yleensä perheellisenä/lapsellisena mielenkiintoni ohjautuu väkisinkin myös kaikkeen lapsiin liittyvään. Ruokavinkkejä, reseptejä myös oottelen kovasti!

  16. out-marriage was 7.6% in Mumbai in 2001, 6.2% in South Indian tea plantations in 2003, and 5.8% for the rural Indian population in 16 major states of India in 1999.That figure sounds way too low if caste is defined as jati, at least for Bombay.

  17. Howdy very nice blog!! Guy .. Excellent .. Superb .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I’m happy to search out numerous helpful info right here in the post, we need develop more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  18. Andreas told me if this happens he will put back his Sannyasin Robe again.. I know is early days..Still a dream.. But Andreas take your robes out of the closet and give it a wash..Just in case…Who knows.. You may need it for a dance in Buddha Grove And If this celebration happens i think so many Andreases will pull out their Robes from the closet again..And thats is the real Rebellion

  19. Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be
    on the web the simplest thing to be aware
    of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they just
    do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the whole thing without having
    side effect , people could take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.

    Thanks

  20. you are going to run another 100 before you run Leadville again. Well, get that done soon because I am ready to line up there at 6th and Harrison next year and I want you leading the way.Good luck with school. Surely, we will run into each other soon on the Boulder trails.

  21. stef, maud, gildas, Melle Jeni, Mymoi, Sève, Popple, Juju, Eric, Farid, Flo, Alex et Nono, drom’à, effetsecondaires, manu800machin, manitou)tu va sur bercy Luffy?perso si y’avait eu le SDF je serais venu sur paris,pour moi ça seras montpellier apparemment c’est un peu comme paris bercy 14000 places.mais j’espère rencontrer des réguliers du mffcf sur montpellier.et tu le sais Luffy que tu est le bienvenu.   titoune

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *