An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

186,388 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. I am sorry for off-topic, I’m thinking about creating an enlightening site for college students. May possibly commence with posting interesting facts like”A spider’s web is not a home, but rather a trap for its food. They are as individual as snowflakes, with no two ever being the same. Some tropical spiders have built webs over eighteen feet across.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related info such as right here

    http://topdoctor.us/?p=6240

  2. So if you’re expecting a lot of help, bear in mind that it isn’t really forthcoming.
    The goal is usually to find a strategy to give you
    a complete response, all while focusing on as small a region of investigation as
    possible. To ensure that these people will
    understand the message you’re trying to find across, write using their language and write while considering their
    a higher level comprehension.

  3. Everyone loves what you guys are up too. This type of clever work and reporting!
    Keep up the amazing works guys I’ve included you guys to my personal blogroll.

  4. Hello, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i
    was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?
    If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any assistance is very much
    appreciated.

  5. whoah this weblog is wonderful i really like reading your
    articles. Stay up the good work! You understand, many individuals are hunting round for this information, you can aid them greatly.

  6. Sorry for off-topic, I’m thinking about making an enlightening site for students. May probably start with posting interesting facts such as”Your brain consumes 25 watts of power while you’re awake. This amount of energy is enough to illuminate a lightbulb.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information such as here

    https://www.mahou-shoujo.moe/uncategorized/401

  7. зоо порно видео бесплатно
    купить наркотики екатеринбург
    купить наркотики красноярск
    купить спайс
    проститутки питера
    заказать проститутку

  8. I am sorry for off-topic, I’m considering about creating an informative web site as a student. May possibly begin with publishing interesting information like”A spider’s web is not a home, but rather a trap for its food. They are as individual as snowflakes, with no two ever being the same. Some tropical spiders have built webs over eighteen feet across.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related information and facts such as right here

    http://www.unimate-graphite.com/2018/02/16/excellent-tailor-made-essay-creating-assistance/

  9. You can certainly see your skills in the article you write.
    The arena hopes for even more passionate writers like you
    who are not afraid to say how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

  10. You are so cool! I do not suppose I’ve read through a single thing like this before.
    So good to find someone with some unique thoughts on this subject matter.
    Seriously.. thank you for starting this up. This web site is one thing
    that is required on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!

  11. With havin so much content do you ever run into any
    problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My site has a
    lot of exclusive content I’ve either created myself
    or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all
    over the web without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help stop content from being stolen? I’d really appreciate it.

  12. What’s up colleagues, how is the whole thing, and what you desire to
    say concerning this piece of writing, in my view its genuinely amazing in favor
    of me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *