An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

180,595 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. Pharmacologist: Every Canadian pharmacy what does viagra do online is mandated by legislation to supply its customers access to a signed up pharmacist before making any kind of purchase. These professionals are well qualified to recommend you. Nonetheless, the most reputed firms will make certain that they take the approval of your physician before refining your order.
    [url=http://ordercanadianpharmacy.com/]best non prescription viagra[/url] cialis in canadian pharmacies

  2. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an very long comment but after
    I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr…
    well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say wonderful blog!

  3. I am extremely inspired together with your writing abilities
    as smartly as with the layout for your blog. Is that this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way stay up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to look a nice blog like this one these days..

  4. Pharmacist: Every Canadian drug store best prices for prescription medications online is mandated by legislation to offer its consumers accessibility to a registered pharmacist before making any kind of purchase. These professionals are well certified to advise you. However, one of the most reputed companies will certainly guarantee that they take the approval of your medical professional before refining your order.
    [url=http://ordercanadianpharmacy.com/]canada viagra no prescription[/url] buy drugs online

  5.   Perhaps in your snack plan, never the Danisa cookies included. Perhaps your taste buds feel inside, never had cookies that taste. Maybe you are not a love dessert person, but please try Danisa Crown cookies,it will make you fall in love with the taste of its cookies. Is affectionately known as "Danish Crown cookie" is Danisa Butter Cookies, after years of brand development, has become the leader in high-grade imported Chinese cookie market. In a variety of snack foods in,

  6. naturally like your website however you have to take a look at the
    spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them
    are rife with spelling problems and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth then again I’ll certainly come again again.

  7. Pak Keflex Dosages For Uti How Long Does Levitra Last [url=http://cialiorder.com]cialis tablets for sale[/url] Prix Kamagra Allemagne Cats Claw Cephalexin Canadian Drugs Without Prescription

  8. Course needs will vary from college to school, buying prescription drugs canada so you will need to do your study. Actually there may be numerous various other needs for different Pharm.D. programs, so I have offer a graph that lists required training courses at every pharmacy college. For certain training course numbers similarities, you will certainly have to conduct your very own search online or speak to the admission offices at each college of pharmacy.
    rx drugs canada [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]cheap medication[/url]

  9. Course requirements will certainly differ from school to institution, cheap drugs canada so you will certainly have to do your research study. Actually there could be numerous other needs for different Pharm.D. programs, so I have supply a graph that lists called for training courses at every drug store institution. For specific program numbers equivalencies, you will have to conduct your personal search on the net or contact the admission offices at each institution of drug store.
    discount medication [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]order drugs online[/url]

  10. I will immediately take hold of your rss
    as I can’t in finding your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Please let me realize in order that I could subscribe.
    Thanks.

  11. Thanks for some other informative website. Where else may I get that type of information written in such an ideal approach?
    I have a mission that I am simply now operating
    on, and I have been at the look out for such info.

  12. Class needs will certainly vary from college to school, discount canadian pharmacies so you will have to do your research study. In fact there may be numerous various other needs for various Pharm.D. programs, so I have give a chart that notes called for programs at every pharmacy school. For details course numbers similarities, you will should conduct your personal search on the web or contact the admission workplaces at each institution of pharmacy.
    pharmacy canada online [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]www pharmacy[/url]

  13. This procedure is much more secure as as compared to the area pharmacologist prescription drug reference medication side effects interactions providing you your recommended drugs. There are several layers of checks as well as due care is required to make certain the consumer’s health is not threatened in any way while saving on prices. This is just what makes Canadian pharmacy online industry a mega success.
    ciaqlis [url=https://bit.ly/2y3Ykjk]online canadian pharmacy[/url]

  14. This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader
    entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to
    start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job.
    I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it.
    Too cool!

  15. It’s apprdopriate tme too male some plans for thee
    future aand it’s time tto bbe happy. I’ve reqd this pot
    andd iff I could I wish tto sugest yoou few interestikng things oor tips.

    Maye yoou could wrrite nerxt artiucles refedrring tto this article.
    I desir tto rerad mode things aboout it!

  16. Course needs will certainly differ from college to college, northwest canadian pharmacy so you will certainly have to do your research. Actually there may be several other requirements for different Pharm.D. programs, so I have offer a chart that notes called for courses at every drug store school. For certain training course numbers equivalencies, you will certainly need to conduct your personal search on the net or get in touch with the admission workplaces at each institution of pharmacy.
    walgreens drug store [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]cealice[/url]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *