An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

186,345 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. Pharmacist: Every Canadian drug store meds canada online is mandated by regulation to give its customers access to a registered pharmacologist before making any acquisition. These experts are well certified to recommend you. Nonetheless, one of the most reputed companies will certainly ensure that they take the authorization of your medical professional prior to refining your order.
    [url=http://ordercanadianpharmacy.com/]canadian pharmacies for cialis[/url] canadian pharm

  2. Unquestionably consider that that you said. Your favourite justification seemed to be at the net
    the easiest factor to understand of. I say to
    you, I definitely get irked while other people consider worries that
    they just don’t understand about. You managed to hit the nail upon the highest and also outlined out the whole thing with no need side effect
    , other folks could take a signal. Will likely be
    again to get more. Thank you

  3. price of daily cialis 20mg
    [url=http://cialissknrx.com/#]cheap cialis[/url]
    order cialis canada
    [url=http://cialissknrx.com/#”>buy cheap cialis online

  4. I’m extremely impressed together with your writing skills
    as well as with the layout in your blog. Is that this a paid topic or
    did you modify it your self? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing,
    it is uncommon to see a nice blog like this one nowadays..

  5. Ver y Descargar Películas online gratis de audio latino, español y sin cortes en calidad HD.
    RePelis el mejor sitio de películas. Descargar películas gratis.

  6. I’m curious to find out what blog system you happen to be utilizing?
    I’m having some minor security issues with my latest website and I’d like to find something more safe.
    Do you have any recommendations?

  7. Pharmacologist: Every Canadian pharmacy buy generic cialis canadian pharmacy online is mandated by law to provide its clients access to a signed up pharmacist prior to making any acquisition. These professionals are well qualified to suggest you. Nonetheless, the most reputed firms will make certain that they take the authorization of your doctor prior to refining your order.
    [url=http://ordercanadianpharmacy.com/]canadian-meds[/url] buying medications in canada

  8. It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
    I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few
    interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I want to read more things about it!

  9. Class requirements will certainly vary from college to institution, prescription so you will certainly need to do your study. As a matter of fact there might be numerous various other requirements for various Pharm.D. programs, so I have offer a chart that lists required programs at every pharmacy college. For particular course numbers equivalencies, you will certainly need to conduct your personal search on the Internet or contact the admission offices at each institution of drug store.
    buy viagra online canada [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]canadian drugstores online[/url]

  10. Course needs will differ from school to college, cheap pharmacy online so you will certainly have to do your research. In fact there might be several various other requirements for various Pharm.D. programs, so I have give a chart that provides needed programs at every drug store institution. For details training course numbers equivalencies, you will need to conduct your own search online or get in touch with the admission workplaces at each college of drug store.
    mail order pharmacy canada [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]northwest pharmacy scam[/url]

  11. Pharmacist: Every Canadian drug store getting a prescription online online is mandated by law to give its consumers access to a signed up pharmacologist prior to making any acquisition. These specialists are well qualified to recommend you. Nonetheless, one of the most reputed firms will certainly guarantee that they take the authorization of your medical professional prior to refining your order.
    [url=http://ordercanadianpharmacy.com/]canadian pharcharmy’s[/url] viagra generic canada

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *