An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

186,526 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you?

    Plz answer back as I’m looking to design my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.

    thanks a lot

  2. Good post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon on a daily basis.
    It’s always interesting to read through articles from other authors and practice something from their web sites.

  3. Howdy are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do
    you require any html coding expertise to make
    your own blog? Any help would be greatly
    appreciated!

  4. I’ve been surfing online greater than 3 hours as of late, but I by no means
    discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It’s lovely
    price enough for me. In my view, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you
    did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.

  5. Heya! I know this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask.
    Does managing a well-established website such as yours require a
    massive amount work? I’m completely new to writing a blog but
    I do write in my diary everyday. I’d like to
    start a blog so I can easily share my own experience and thoughts
    online. Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for new aspiring bloggers.
    Appreciate it!

  6. Partypants took down the article the Lies post linked to on the request of dooce’s lawyer, so why invite people to google GOMI and give her page views when the problem was solved?Partypants, I criticize what you do with this site, but your websites are built on your belief that it’s better to have criticism out in the open so, respectfully, you should be able to deal with my remarks without the personal attacks. But it’s your site and I’m in the minority, so whatever.

  7. / Não adianta falar só nos pais. Meu irmão não conviveu quasenada com nosso avô e no entanto herdou as habilidades e o senso de humor dele.Minha neta nasceu quando minha mãe já havia morrido há muito tempo. Todavia, se eu fosse espírita diria que ela é a reencarnação da bisavó.Gostei deste comentário ou não: 0

  8. Eduarda Maria diz:Olà,Eu adoro o seu programa e admiro muito o seu trabalho,vc é dos melhores apresentador,sou da PARAIBA e nao perco por nada o seu programa,desejo a vc muito sucesso,nao esquece de mim ai no programa tá,um grande abraco………………

  9. 4月末から撮影に入った『クリミナル・マインド』は、事前制作を目標に準備している。 撮影後ナムジュヒョクはジスが出演したtvN「私の耳にキャンディ」に登場することもしたし、二人はMBC ‘美男ブロマンス」にも一緒に出演してファンたちの心をときめくようにした。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd7] 君を憶えてる 激安 [/url]
    二人はKBS 2TV「優しい男」でも友情出演をしている。 しかし、そのTPP最終合意文書を改定して、米国抜きのTPPを発効させることを日本政府が主張し始めた。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd7] 君を憶えてる [/url] その人物像はいわゆる英国紳士であり、さほど奇矯な印象は受けない。 パソコンは今回の件で知りましたので買います。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/yyfyyf4]カルテットDVDBOX[/url]
    三葉が東京に瀧君を探しに行った際に、新幹線で降り立った時の駅でもあります。 信頼できる俳優と呼ばれるだけに、「W」でもイ・ジョンソクの魅力がもう1度力を発揮することは疑いの余地がなかった。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd18] 項羽と劉邦 激安 [/url]
    」– 「シティーホール」も低い視聴率ではないのにあまり良くない評価を得ていますね?「「キム・ウンスク作品としては」という前提がつきましたよ。 キム・キュジョンは25日、自身のInstagram(写真共有SNS)に「ヒョンジュンの家で時間旅行~本当に時間が早い…!!ありがたい方が本当に多いですね。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd47] ONE PIECE ワンピース 通販 [/url] コン・ユは不滅の時間を生きている、不思議で悲しい鬼キム・シン役を、キム・ゴウンは生まれた時から平凡ではないが平凡な19歳の高3の受験生でありたいチ・ウンタク役を務め、“シンタク(キム・シン&チ・ウンタク) カップル”の魔法のようなロマンスを予告している。 Rusticは、私が中学3年生の時に同級生のマサミチと意気投合して結成したバンドです。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd48] 琅邪榜(ろうやぼう) 動画 [/url]

  10. Greetings I am so grateful I found your site, I really found you by mistake, while I was searching on Aol for something
    else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to say thanks for a incredible post and a all round thrilling blog (I
    also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to browse it all at the
    minute but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds,
    so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.

  11. that cultural, anthropological, sociological, and economic differences hinder communication, and his aim is to maximize communication, essentially he’s saying that everyone should think the same way. Communication is maximized if you have all the same beliefs, values, and preferences as your neighbor, and he has all of those in common with his neighbor, and his neighbor, and so on.

  12. Hello! I realize this is kind of off-topic however
    I needed to ask. Does managing a well-established blog
    such as yours take a lot of work? I’m brand new to operating a blog however I do write in my journal on a daily basis.
    I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my experience and views online.
    Please let me know if you have any recommendations or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners.
    Appreciate it!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *