An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

186,421 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. Sandeep, That’s not necessarily true. Because our dog gets regular checkups and is on the preventative the vet wants her on, we were stumped when she started the incessant itching. And telling someone what they should have done doesn’t help them solve the problem. If you were a vet that I used, I would fire you. People don’t write in if they don’t care about their pets.

  2. Meu DEUS,quanta coisa gostosa neste site,tem de tudo um pouco.Curti várias coisas,a cozinha organizada,idéias de cozinhas pequenas,as receitas,eu que sou adepta de coisas de cozinha,e acho a parte da casa mais interessante…a minha é pequena,estou precisando de uma nova,pq ela está feinha tadinha,mas é organizada. Sou vidrada em culinária,cozinha,panelas e afins.Abraços

  3. I’m reading thru a list of classics everyone should read – Dickens, Twain, Dumas, Carroll.But I think Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis is the most influential so far.Matt Redman’s worship books are also great

  4. Hi, Neat post. There’s an issue with your web site in internet explorer, could test this?
    IE nonetheless is the marketplace chief and a huge element of
    other folks will omit your excellent writing due to this problem.

  5. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources
    back to your weblog? My website is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would definitely benefit from a lot
    of the information you present here. Please let me know if this
    alright with you. Regards!

  6. В паутине Интернет сегодня есть достаточно много смешных сайтов. Сеть завоевала доверие на сегодня у разных ниш. Всё, начиная от пиара, заканчивая предоставлением различным web-услуг – проходит через Интернет.

    Тем не менее, большое количество порталов первое время делались с задачей продаж. Кое-какие создавались очень длительно, для того, чтобы давать населению новую информацию и совершенствоваться.

    Сегодня на просторах интернета доступно достаточно интересных порталов, именно на них доступно просмотреть интересную информацию, которая даст возможность вам продвигаться. Основным из таких веб-сайтов есть и shnyagi.net

    Именно на этом сайте возможно найти юморные Gifki, новости, крутые видео. Там находится инфо меню. На портале достаточно много необходимых моментов.

    На портале регулярно добавляются лайфхаки, добавляются интересные видео и крутая инфа. На сегодня портал пользуется спросом, потому что именно на сайте вы имеете шанс прочитать про телефоны с камерой фронтальной 5 мп разные события в стране.

    Кроме этого, на сайт добавляется информация по меню. Там можно выбрать крутые нюансы и про шоуменов эстрады, и про эстраду в целом, также на сайте можно увидеть блок, посвященный анекдотам, а в разделе «Путешествия» возможно найти много привлекательного для себя.

  7. В сети Интернет на сегодня есть достаточно много интересных веб-страниц. Паутина захватила на сегодняшний день у разных ниш. Всё, начиная от продаж, заканчивая предоставлением различным web-услуг – проходит через сеть.

    Тем не менее, большое количество ресурсов первое время создавались с задачей продаж. Кое-какие конструировались очень длительно, для того, чтобы давать людям новую инфу и совершенствоваться.

    На сегодня на просторах интернета есть много крутых сайтов, именно на них доступно посмотреть интересную информацию, которая позволит вам совершенствоваться. Одним из таких порталов считается и shnyagi.net

    Именно на портале возможно посмотреть смешные Gifki, новости, крутые обзоры. Там находится инфа каталогам. На ресурсе достаточно большое количество интересных фактов.

    На сайте часто публикуются лайфхаки, публикуются смешные видео и обзоры. На сегодня ресурс пользуется спросом, в связи с тем, что именно на нём вы имеете возможность посмотреть про фото с потерянных фотоаппаратов в контакте любые события в Европе.

    Помимо этого, на сайт добавляется информация по меню. Там доступно найти крутые фичи и про шоуменов эстрады, и про шоуменов, также на ресурсе реально просмотреть блок, посвященный лайфхакам, а в меню «Путешествия» возможно найти много интересного для себя.

  8. Have you ever thought about creating an ebook
    or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based upon on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my
    readers would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel
    free to send me an e mail.

  9. First off I would like to say terrific blog!
    I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind.
    I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your mind prior to
    writing. I’ve had a tough time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there.
    I truly do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally
    wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations
    or hints? Cheers!

  10. В паутине Интернет сегодня существует достаточно большое количество интересных порталов. Сеть захватила на сегодня у разных ниш. Всё, начиная от пиара, заканчивая предоставлением различным веб-услуг – проходит через сеть.

    Тем не менее, большое количество сайтов первое время создавались с задачей продаж. Кое-какие разрабатывались очень длительно, для того, чтобы преподносить людям новую информацию и совершенствоваться.

    На сегодня на просторах интернета доступно много познавательных веб-сайтов, именно на них можно просмотреть нужную инфо, которая предоставит шанс вам продвигаться. Одним из таких сайтов считается и shnyagi.net

    Именно на портале можно найти смешные истории, шутки, крутые обзоры. Там находится инфа по разделам. На ресурсе достаточно большое количество необходимых нюансов.

    На веб-сайте часто добавляются новости, добавляются смешные видеофайлы и обзоры. На сегодняшний день сайт известный, в связи с тем, что именно на нём вы имеете шанс посмотреть про европа плюс лайф 2017 ольга бузова любые события в стране.

    Кроме этого, на сайт вводится инфа по разделам. Там реально посмотреть интересные нюансы и про звёзд эстрады, и про эстраду в целом, также на портале возможно увидеть раздел, посвященный лайфхакам, а в меню «Путешествия» возможно найти много привлекательного для себя.

  11. I’m not sure exactly why but this web site is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  12. My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have aloways disliked the idea because off the expenses.
    But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using
    Movable-type on numerous websites for about a year and aam worried about switching to another platform.
    I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is
    there a way I can transfer all my wordpress content into it?

    Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

  13. Lately, Rolex has begun supply caffeine can be accurately machines sporting a 3-dimensional hologram-encoded sticker during the caseback which has a wafting Rolex the queen’s banner reach the top the view case’s resource assortment, which is created by dark-colored. Almost all of the peel offs to do with replica Rolex watches may be great alternative as well as a repetitious “Rolex” sample, rather than a hologram.

  14. As a mommy to a newborn(8 wks) and preschooler (3yo) myself, I beg you to write the posts you want to. And as a supportive reader I say, fuck them all, you’ll never make everyone happy, so just make the most important person of all, yourself, happy .

  15. urgh, i sprained my … urgh, i sprained my ankle at work, was coming down from a ladder and shoes on floor, and went right over, was sooo painful it was kinda numb, like shootin pain up my leg, i was scared to look at it, im still wearin my support was like 3 weeks ago now, my bones like deformed, i tore ligaments, it went black frm a dispersed vein! and yeah no heels for another month, im sure thers permanent damage, i shudve went to the hospital ohwell Was this answer helpful?

  16. magnificent publish, very informative. I wonder
    why the opposite specialists of this sector do not notice
    this. You must proceed your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *