An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

129,002 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to
    mention that I’ve truly loved browsing your weblog posts.
    After all I will be subscribing in your feed and I hope you write again soon!

  2. Wonderful beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how could i subscribe for a weblog
    website? The account aided me a acceptable deal.

    I have been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided vivid clear concept

  3. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My site discusses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  4. After I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments
    are added- checkbox and from now on whenever a comment is added I recieve four emails with the
    same comment. There has to be a way you are able to
    remove me from that service? Cheers!

  5. I’ve been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like
    yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web
    owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more
    useful than ever before.

  6. I was curious if you ever thought of changing the structure of your blog?

    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content
    so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for
    only having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  7. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something
    to do with browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know.

    The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue resolved soon. Cheers

  8. Just want to say your article is as surprising.
    The clarity in your post is simply cool and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.

    Fine with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
    Thanks a million and please keep up the rewarding work.

  9. Attractive portion of content. I just stumbled upon your website
    and in accession capital to claim that I acquire actually enjoyed account your
    weblog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds or even I success you get right
    of entry to persistently quickly.

  10. May I just say what a comfort to uncover a person that actually knows what they
    are discussing on the internet. You actually realize how to
    bring a problem to light and make it important.
    A lot more people should check this out and understand this side of your story.
    It’s surprising you are not more popular since you certainly have the gift.

  11. It’s the best time to make a few plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
    I’ve learn this submit and if I may just I desire to
    counsel you some attention-grabbing things or advice. Perhaps you can write subsequent articles regarding this article.
    I desire to read more things about it!

  12. When someone writes an article he/she maintains the image of a user in his/her mind that how a user can understand
    it. Thus that’s why this piece of writing is perfect.
    Thanks!

  13. Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thanks, However I am having
    issues with your RSS. I don’t understand the reason why I am unable
    to join it. Is there anybody else having the same RSS issues?
    Anyone who knows the answer will you kindly respond?

    Thanks!!

  14. After looking over a few of the articles on your blog, I honestly
    appreciate your technique of writing a blog. I added it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back soon. Please check out my
    website too and let me know how you feel.

  15. ミス・ユースケ【2016年雑感】  僕が担当するPCオンラインゲーム界隈ではちょくちょく話題があり、総合的に楽しく仕事ができたなーというのが、2016年の印象。 ベッドの上で彼氏とイチャついている風のラブラブシーンなどもあるが、いずれの場面でも印象的なのは、引き締まっていながら出ているところは出ているパーフェクトボディ。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/iopiopiopiop/]奇 皇后dvd 購入[/url]
    って、なんでこういう話になったんだ??3日目は150キロと短めの距離のため、けっこう余裕な感じですなぁ。 冷たい雨は…気分を今年は、「さつきの花」がよく咲きました。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/yyfyyf4/]太陽の末裔 Love Under The Sun -SET 1+2 DVD[/url] 「ミセン」・・・良い感じです(^^)史劇もあるしまたまた面白そうなドラマが始まりますし・・・韓国ドラマ日和りも大忙しです。 地下埋設物が存在し、そのことによって売却価格の値引きがあった。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/gdgdgdgd20/] DVD ダビング [/url]
    男らしいクォン・サンウのどんでん返しの魅力が公開されたシーンは今月10日、ソウル付近のあるスーパーで撮影した。 だから夫の側から離婚を切り出してもらう必要があります」 こう語るヨシコさんだが、過去3度の結婚での経験則上、3年も一緒に暮らせば互いに相手と生活に飽きてくるという。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd48] 琅邪榜(ろうやぼう) ドラマ [/url]
    そんな中、27日の3回の放送を控えて一層ソリムのシムクン再会映像が先行公開されてときめきを誘発している。    今は長い間ランキングに残っているけど、その頃は1位にはなるけど、長くは残ってなかった。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/yyfyyf5/]逃げるは恥だが役に立つ 人気[/url]  また、司会を務めるくりぃむしちゅーの上田晋也が、藤井と結婚前の乙葉と交際を報じられた過去があると告白。 なんでも、役柄もお熱のある赤ちゃんのようです(笑)ねぇね、迫真の演技!だいじょうぶぅ?いいこねぇ~。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd7] 君を憶えてる 激安 [/url]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *