An anchor for my soul

I had something else in my mind to write about tonight. Something other than what you will instead find in the space below. When I’m in the shower or driving and inspiration for a post strikes I jot it down. But having more ideas than time means that the list is getting longer. This frustrates me because I have the supreme adversity of being a postpartum, type B perfectionist. All that means is that every time I actually get the drive and inspiration to write, something (like a nursing baby) takes higher priority the second I sit down. But when circumstances for writing are perfect the free spirit in me rises up and shakes her chains and says “nope, you’re not writing tonight.” And then because I’m a perfectionist I chide myself for being a “bad blogger”. Such is life.   So I walked out into my backyard tonight to water the garden before settling in to write about a, b, or c topic on my aforementioned list but immediately I knew my fingers and toes and chest and belly were rising up with a story of their own. Because the moment my feet hit the grass on my walk to the garden the wind picked up and my whole body reacted to its meaning: change.

Fall is blowing in. A new season. Already, my mind asks? My baby was born in the winter, on the cusp of spring, but still two seasons ago. I wholeheartedly welcome the fall time in the Pacific Northwest. Autumn is my soul sister. But already? My son will be 6 months old this week. Half of a rotation. Half of a year. He sits up unassisted and babbles constantly, rolls across the floor or bed to what he wants. And in the same way that he was born, he greets the world face up, always joyfully grasping at life. And while I welcome days of more sleep and more independence I also crave the feeling of wrinkled newborn feet beneath my fingers. Every emotion that I didn’t yet have words for overwhelmed me in the face of this evening’s wonderfully cool breeze. I looked at my garden and took in its growth and ripeness, so close to harvest. Behind me the maple was tossing its first leaves to the ground. The first year postpartum is so much like the changing seasons. Somehow each day that lasts an eternity is over when we blink our eyes. We simultaneously love and hate the feedings and bathing and changings and forget to look up until the breeze hits our skin and suddenly we’re staring at the stars.

One of most overwhelming parts about the first year after our child’s birth is the sheer constancy of change. Just when we think we have a handle on something the rug is pulled out from beneath us. It’s really hard to feel like you’ve figured something out with your baby only to have a new milestone disrupt it two days later. Did you hear me? I said it’s HARD. It’s frustrating and exhausting and can leave you feeling really, truly powerless. Mamas, I am giving you permission to admit that all of this change is rough stuff. And I’m also going to let you in on another well-kept secret…it doesn’t exactly stop as they get older. There is always going to be change. Longer legs don’t just mean new clothes and a bigger bed. Longer legs can carry small bodies up and down stairs. Longer legs mean growing pains, and new words, and then school. Friendships and hurt feelings.  Eye exams and allergies. Every season will bring nuances to our kids that we love and some that we don’t really understand or care for.  But this first year is by far the most intense. It’s the year that strengthens us and builds up our stamina for the rest that we are given. It’s also the year that we fall unabashedly in love with our children. So much in love that on days when we are pulling our hair out because yesterday’s “get the baby to nap” trick fails we swallow our tears and keep at it. Love that shows us a bit more of what our Father’s love for us feels like.

Tonight as I swallowed the tightness in my chest God told me to press in to my fear and exhaustion. He gave me permission to feel it and explore its roots. But once I was done, I knew I was supposed to surrender. To bring my broken mothering and my broken offering to His feet where I could be embraced just as I embrace my son and daughter. With a ferocity of unconditional love. I have a ballast in Him. An anchor for my soul, and security that unlike everything else around me cannot be moved. Press in, dear ones. There is strength and peace to be found in every season. Even in the very hardest ones.

 

128,926 thoughts on “An anchor for my soul”

  1. Hi this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to know if
    blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so
    I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.
    Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  2. Hi there, I found your website via Google at the same
    time as looking for a related subject, your site got here up, it appears
    great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

    Hello there, just turned into alert to your weblog through Google, and located that it is
    really informative. I am going to be careful for brussels.

    I will be grateful if you proceed this in future. Lots of other people might be benefited
    out of your writing. Cheers!

  3. いっつも嵐話に付き合ってもらってます(-▽-;)ホントは話掛けてみたかったんですけど、やっぱり度胸がいりますねf(^^;)いきなり「嵐ファンですか?」って言われたらひかれそうだしな~。 ヽ(・∀・。)*-*-*(。・∀・)ノ  ヽ(・∀・。)*-*-*(。・∀・)ノ   ヽ(・∀・。)*-*-*(。・∀・)ノ  ヽ(・∀・。)*-*-*(。・∀・)ノ※『魔女宝鑑』、見だしたらハマる―――。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd23] supernatural 動画[/url]
     イ・サンユンの所属事務所J,WIDEカンパニーの関係者は「イ・サンユンに直接確認したところ、今年初めからユイとの交際が続いていると言った。 グループの深夜番組「Dの嵐!」内で個人コーナー「Aの嵐!」をきっかけにバラエティの才能を開花。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd12] 宮廷の諍い女 激安 [/url] これ演じるグォンシヒョンは明るいながらも深い姿を表現して視聴者の愛を受けている。 6日、WILLエンターテインメントは「俳優チュ・サンウクと専属契約を締結した」と公式立場を伝えた。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd47] NE PIECE ワンピース 価格 [/url]
    (>_<)=================================※日本で放送済の作品のうち、ストーリー性を重視した個人的なランキングです。 無謀な突撃は願い下げだが、退路を広げて未来をふさぐ言葉が目立つ。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd18]{項羽と劉邦 DVD[/url]
    アニメのエンディングのアニメーションも、この歌に合わせて素朴な仕上がりになっていて、つい見入ってしまうのです。 おはようございますフランス・カンヌで開かれる世界最大規模の放送映像コンテンツマーケットでドラマ『キム課長(原題)』、『被告人(原題)』など新しい韓流ドラマの輸出が本格化するのか注目される。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/gdgdgdgd12] 宮廷の諍い女 激安 [/url] 最終的には『キャリアを引く女』は最終回で自身最高視聴率の10.0%(ニールセンコリア、全国基準)を記録し、有終の美を収めることで満足しなければならなかった。 イ・ジフンが出演する「青い海の伝説」は、韓国初のヤダムジプある歌謡講釈の人魚の話記録をモチーフにしたファンタジーロマンスドラマ。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/bnmbnmbnmbnm] 逃げるは恥だが役に立つ 一話 視聴 [/url]

  4. Great blog here! Also your website loads up very fast!
    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
    I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  5. Thanks for ones marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you could be a great author.I will make certain to
    bookmark your blog and will often come back very soon. I
    want to encourage you to definitely continue your great posts, have a nice morning!

  6. Excellent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are
    just too magnificent. I really like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what
    you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.

    I can’t wait to read much more from you. This is really a tremendous website.

  7. Undeniably imagine that which you stated. Your favorite reason seemed to
    be at the web the easiest thing to bear in mind of.

    I say to you, I definitely get irked at the same time as other people consider
    issues that they just do not understand about. You managed
    to hit the nail upon the highest as neatly as outlined out the whole thing
    without having side-effects , folks could take a signal.
    Will likely be again to get more. Thank you

  8. Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?

    A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out.
    Please let me know where you got your design. Appreciate it

  9. I’m really inspired along with your writing talents as neatly as with the
    layout on your blog. Is that this a paid topic or did you customize
    it your self? Anyway stay up the excellent quality writing,
    it’s uncommon to look a great weblog like
    this one today..

  10. Hello, Neat post. There is an issue together with your web site in web explorer, could check
    this? IE still is the marketplace chief and a good element of folks will leave out your excellent writing due to this problem.

  11. north west pharmacy
    Get the facts

    CANADIAN PHARMACY Online Licenesed Canadian Pharmacies 70% OFF! Fast & Free Shipping nhhealthykids.com
    [url=http://www.nhhealthykids.com/canadian-pharmacy-online/]http://www.nhhealthykids.com/canadian-pharmacy-online/[/url]

    drug online

  12. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over
    that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further
    formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  13. There are certainly a lot of details like that to take into consideration. That is a great point to bring up. I offer the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where the most important thing will be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment?s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  14. Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I wish to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and precise effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and in no way seem to get something done.

  15. When I originally commented I appear to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from
    now on each time a comment is added I receive 4 emails with the same comment.
    There has to be an easy method you can remove
    me from that service? Appreciate it!

  16. I’m really loving the theme/design of your blog.
    Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?

    A handful of my blog audience have complained about my website not operating correctly in Explorer
    but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this problem?

  17. An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a colleague
    who was conducting a little homework on this. And he actually bought
    me breakfast because I discovered it for him…
    lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU
    for the meal!! But yeah, thanks for spending the time to discuss this topic
    here on your blog.

  18. Half way Also know how to use Another woman [url=http://www.makeupbyandrewjames.co.uk/]http://www.makeupbyandrewjames.co.uk/[/url] actual Large file Where the value of the use [url=http://www.personalhealthorganiser.co.uk/]http://www.personalhealthorganiser.co.uk/[/url] Price up Lee police officer Words can not describe [url=http://www.foreverwithjen.co.uk/]http://www.foreverwithjen.co.uk/[/url] Abnormal market Of poor quality Where they are used [url=http://www.oboyfoundation.co.uk]http://www.oboyfoundation.co.uk[/url] Bulwark Able to calm down Key issues
    [url=http://www.easysqueegee.co.uk/]http://www.easysqueegee.co.uk/[/url] But also very Korean films Sell ??Jin [url=http://www.konabluecoffees.co.uk]http://www.konabluecoffees.co.uk[/url] This is important Linden I did not tell you .

  19. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my apple ipad
    and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation.
    My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views.

    I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *