A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

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Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

272,258 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

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    After weeks of deliberation and higher than 600,000 votes,
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    over three continents — beat out some four hundred opponents, profitable a contest that was a part of the federation system’s new effort to broaden its base
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    and Israel — all with virtually no funds. I hope that Airbnb makes it proper and takes care of
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    every one to 6 weeks,” Teman acknowledged.
    Ari Teman is founding father of 12gurus:Charity and 12gurus:Health conferences, founder of award-successful international volunteer group JCorps, author
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    High-profile Manhattan publicist Jessica Penzari rented her ritzy residence in 2014 to a younger woman who said she was in New
    York for a two-night keep earlier than being deployed by the U.S.
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    Lately seen on Vh1, and featured in Time Out NY magazine for the Joke of the Week, Teman can be a Jewlarious Magazine-featured comedian, together with the likes of Jerry Seinfeld,
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    JCorps, which he based two years in the past and runs totally as a volunteer, has fed over 21,000 meals to the hungry and
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    Israel might have the diaspora merely as rather a lot as the diaspora needs Israel, Natan Sharansky, the newly appointed head of the Jewish Company for Israel, advised members of the GA delegation from UJA Federation of Northern New Jersey during Ari Teman a non-public assembly on Tuesday. Comedians Ari Teman, Danny Cohen, Benji Lovitt, Yossi Tarablus performed for folks in shelters, at Israel’s National Theater, and at the Iron Dome command base throughout Operation Protecting Edge in Israel. Beneath, take a look at Teman’s recommendation on learn how to efficiently make your story Ari Teman go viral. Teman was acknowledged by the White Home and named the North American Jewish Group Hero by the Jewish Federations of North America.

    From Yiddish books printed in Paterson to wall hangings discovered on the streets of that metropolis, the collection provides a novel look at native Jewish history, says Nathans, president of the group and the person who has nearly single-handedly shepherded northern New Jersey’s Jewish historical past for more than 20 years. The Jewish Group Hero Award honors these making strides to restore the world, beginning in their very own communities. When a person renting entrepreneur Ari Teman’s condominium used the place to host a intercourse get together, Teman determined to show the horrible experience right into a enterprise various.

    Teman, a standup comic by day, runs JCorps as a volunteer on a price range that’s in all probability less than the award he’ll take residence. Days after he was allegedly duped into turning over his Chelsea ?dCode= condominium to a intercourse-social gathering promoter, Teman says he is ready to see the punch line in his predicament. The Chelsea resident advised the New York Every day News that his home was ransacked and his belongings ruined by a BBW Panty Raid Party.” A man identified as David rented the condominium for $300 and charged guests $20 to attend, Teman stated. Nevertheless, identical to the intentions of the XXX Freak Fest” attendees, the residence remained dirty till two New York City-based mostly firms, The Junkluggers and MyClean, stepped as much as sanitize the condo.

    The Manhattan Supreme Court suit claims Braverman withheld outcomes of a sleep study that showed Teman had sleep apnea, so he might bilk him for $30,000 in bogus therapies. The petition comprises a declaration by which Braverman says that his divorce proceeding with Darya had utterly drained him financially, professionally and emotionally, garnered negative publicity, and badly damage his medical practice and standing in the medical community. A delegation from UJA Federation of Northern New Jersey joined some 3,000 Jewish professionals and lay leaders from world broad in Washington this week for the annual Normal Assembly of the Jewish Federations of North America, previously the United Jewish Communities.

    And partly because of I might met Ari Teman at a perform in NY the earlier Monday. It really occurred to entrepreneur and comic Ari Teman final week when he rented his New York City apartment via Airbnb to an individual who said he needed a spot for household to remain whereas on the town for a wedding. The story hit the local and national media big time, and Airbnb and Teman got here to an agreement by which the web site compensated the comedian for the damage brought on by the sudden intercourse party. MyClean Founder Michael Scharf has been a longtime good friend of Ari Teman and MyClean is a sponsor of JCorps, the volunteer community founded by Teman.

    Ari Teman ( @ariteman ) is an award-profitable comic who appears usually on TV and in A-listing clubs across the nation. Merely as important, Teman will inform you, of us prefer it. Some 45,000 supporters voted to make him the primary Jewish Neighborhood Hero” in a competition sponsored last
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    Barely 200 folks showed up for the first day Ari and his volunteers wished to
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    New York Metropolis apartment with success by way of Airbnb, standup comedian Ari Teman struck one other such deal in March 2014.

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