A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

image (1)

Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

231,242 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

  1. canadian pharcharmy online reviews
    Considering that numerous American clinical canada drugs online pharmacy medical insurance policies don’t cover the cost of medications, as well as numerous Americans lack insurance coverage altogether, the high cost of prescription medicine could offer a severe challenge to useful therapy. Some individuals with numerous or persistent medical troubles have come to depend upon less expensive Canadian medications to satisfy their health care requirements.
    canadian drug online [url=https://disqus.com/home/discussion/channel-new/5_benefits_of_making_use_of_an_international_drug_store/]cheap meds canada[/url]

  2. Try to find the online pharmacy’s certificate number, phone number canada medications online and physical address on the internet site. Likewise try to find the regulatory body that looks after its procedures. The majority of regulatory bodies have a checklist of signed up drug stores on their website. Phone the pharmacy and check whether a pharmacologist is available to speak with you and also take your order. [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/#canada-online-drugstore]canadian medstore[/url]

  3. Look for the on-line drug store’s permit number, telephone number globalpharmacycanada.com and also physical address on the website. Additionally try to find the governing body that takes care of its operations. A lot of regulative bodies have a checklist of registered pharmacies on their website. Call up the drug store and check whether a pharmacologist is readily available to talk with you as well as take your order. [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/#pharmacy-canada]viagra canadian pharmacy[/url]

  4. rx canada direct
    Taking into consideration that numerous American clinical why are drugs cheaper canada health insurance policies do not cover the price of medications, as well as lots of Americans are without insurance policy completely, the high cost of prescription medicine can provide a significant barrier to useful therapy. Some people with numerous or consistent clinical problems have actually pertained to depend upon more affordable Canadian drugs to please their healthcare demands.
    canadadrugs.com [url=http://hornbrain14.unblog.fr/2018/06/28/tips-on-buying-prescription-medications-online/]drug mart canada[/url]

  5. fda approved pharmacies canada
    Thinking about that many American clinical north drug mart canada medical insurance policies do not cover the cost of medications, and lots of Americans are without insurance policy altogether, the high cost of prescription medication can offer a serious challenge to valuable therapy. Some individuals with numerous or relentless medical troubles have involved rely on less expensive Canadian drugs to please their health care needs.
    canadian cialis online pharmacy [url=https://www.minds.com/blog/view/859117608598319104]canadadrugs com[/url]

  6. Every little thing has changed significantly in the past few decades. The canadian drugs rx growth of web marketing and shopping has increased the economic arms of people. The on-line Canadian Pharmacy is among the various elements which [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]canadian drugs wholesale[/url] has actually developed within this network. It has actually totally eliminated the pharmacy sector by storm all over the world and changed the whole circumstance upside-down. Now, people are preventing import of medication from the community pharmacies as well as making use of the internet solution a lot more easily. The on the internet medication stores are cheap; prescriptions may be called for and they have got in-house doctors in order to recommend medication based upon our needs. This setting of commerce is thoroughly made use of by the north American and Western customers.

  7. canada cialis pharmacy
    Thinking about that various American medical canadian drugstore online health insurance plans do not cover the price of medicines, as well as numerous Americans lack insurance completely, the high price of prescription medication can provide a significant challenge to useful therapy. Some individuals with multiple or persistent medical troubles have actually involved depend on cheaper Canadian drugs to satisfy their health care demands.
    http www canadapharmacyonline com [url=http://foresttooth71.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-2.html]windsor canada pharmacy[/url]

  8. Whatever has changed considerably in the past couple of decades. The canadian pharmacy.reviews growth of online marketing and also e-commerce has raised the economic arms of people. The online Canadian Drug store is among the countless aspects which [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/]canadian pharmacies without prescriptions[/url] has actually developed within this network. It has totally taken away the drug store sector by tornado throughout the globe and transformed the whole circumstance upside-down. Today, individuals are staying clear of import of medication from the neighborhood pharmacies as well as making use of the web solution far more easily. The on-line medication stores are cheap; prescriptions could be needed and they have actually got internal medical professionals in order to advise medicine based on our demands. This setup of commerce is extensively used by the north American and Western customers.

  9. meds canada
    Thinking about that numerous American clinical prescription canada medical insurance plans don’t cover the expense of medications, as well as lots of Americans are without insurance entirely, the high cost of prescription medicine can provide a severe obstacle to useful therapy. Some individuals with several or relentless medical problems have actually pertained to depend upon more affordable Canadian drugs to please their health care demands.
    canada online drugs [url=https://www.minds.com/blog/view/859117608598319104]viagra online canadian[/url]

  10. Search for the on the internet drug store’s permit number, telephone number canada drug company and physical address on the internet site. Likewise try to find the regulative body that looks after its operations. Most regulatory bodies have a listing of registered pharmacies on their site. Phone the drug store and check whether a pharmacist is readily available to talk with you and also take your order. [url=http://canadianpharmacyextra.com/#health-one-pharmacy-canada]cialis pills canada[/url]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *