A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

image (1)

Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

182,833 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

  1. of course like your web-site but you need to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts.
    Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I in finding
    it very troublesome to inform the reality nevertheless
    I will certainly come back again.

  2. My husband and i felt now excited that John managed to finish off his investigation from the ideas he had through the web site. It’s not at all simplistic to just continually be releasing methods that other folks have been trying to sell. And now we figure out we have got the blog owner to appreciate because of that. Most of the explanations you’ve made, the simple web site navigation, the relationships you will help engender – it’s most amazing, and it is helping our son in addition to the family imagine that that issue is pleasurable, which is highly indispensable. Many thanks for the whole lot!

  3. Wonderful items from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to
    and you’re simply too wonderful. I actually like what you’ve received right here, really like
    what you are saying and the way in which you say it. You are making it entertaining and you continue to take
    care of to stay it wise. I cant wait to learn much more from you.
    That is actually a tremendous website.

  4. [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/avtomat-akula-13096]автомат акула[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/igrovye-avtomaty-nastoyaschiy-azart-bagi-14498]игровые автоматы настоящий азарт баги[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/avtomaty-garazhi-onlayn-29497]автоматы гаражи онлайн[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/programma-dlya-igry-v-internet-kazino-14636]программа для игры в интернет казино[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/besplatnye-igrovye-avtomaty-3d-5467]бесплатные игровые автоматы 3д[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/internet-kazino-black-jack-22938]интернет казино black jack[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/igrat-onlayn-besplatno-odnorukiy-bandit-28638]играть онлайн бесплатно однорукий бандит[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/igrovye-avtomaty-ogorod-7906]игровые автоматы огород[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/igrat-v-frukt-kokteyl-besplatno-24508]играть в фрукт коктейль бесплатно[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/igrat-igry-besplatno-onlayn-kazino-18855]играть игры бесплатно онлайн казино[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/avtomat-kreyzi-frukt-besplatno-bez-registracii-9272]автомат крейзи фрукт бесплатно без регистрации[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/igrat-v-lego-piraty-30144]играть в лего пираты[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/igrovoy-avtomat-lotsaloot-3-reel-progressive-19482]игровой автомат lotsaloot 3 reel progressive[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/igrovye-avtomaty-zapret-zakon-8846]игровые автоматы запрет закон[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/marko-polo-igra-17477]марко поло игра[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/zaly-igrovyh-avtomatov-v-breste-25759]залы игровых автоматов в бресте[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/igrovoy-avtomat-maski-shou-igrat-23748]игровой автомат маски шоу играть[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/admiral-slots-21892]admiral slots[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/test-igr-za-dengi-1004]тест игр за деньги[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/igravoe-vulkan-20569]игравое вулкан[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/igry-golovolomki-kartochnye-1045]игры головоломки карточные[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/igrovoy-avtomat-iphone-10343]игровой автомат iphone[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/igrovoy-avtomat-onlayn-igrat-besplatno-irlandskaya-udacha-7255]игровой автомат онлайн играть бесплатно ирландская удача[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/slot-mashiny-dlya-android-16597]слот машины для андроид[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/space-wars-igrat-besplatno-sloty-ultrazvukovoy-skaner-28061]space wars играть бесплатно слоты ультразвуковой сканер[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/happy-jungle-deluxe-igrovoy-avtomat-26812]happy jungle deluxe игровой автомат[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/igrovye-apparaty-chukcha-11620]игровые аппараты чукча[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/fairy-land-igrovye-avtomaty-6333]fairy land игровые автоматы[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/dvorovye-kartochnye-igry-12428]дворовые карточные игры[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/kazino-onlayn-igrovye-apparaty-vulkan-14692]казино онлайн игровые аппараты вулкан[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/1000-kartochnaya-igra-torrent-353]1000 карточная игра торрент[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/igrat-avtomat-chukcha-10333]играть автомат чукча[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/gaminator-filmy-27122]гаминатор фильмы[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/igrovoy-avtomat-gnome-gnom-onlayn-besplatno-25849]игровой автомат gnome гном онлайн бесплатно[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/kazino-s-podarochnym-depozitom-2953]казино с подарочным депозитом[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/klubnichka-igrovye-igrat-besplatno-18588]клубничка игровые играть бесплатно[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ga/onlayn-igrovoy-avtomat-besplatno-knizhki-7537]онлайн игровой автомат бесплатно книжки[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/gosudarstvennye-igrovye-avtomaty-230]государственные игровые автоматы[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/brauzernye-onlayn-igry-kartochnye-26746]браузерные онлайн игры карточные[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/demo-kazino-evropeyskaya-ruletka-5000]demo казино европейская рулетка[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/kartochnye-igry-pravila-52-karty-1518]карточные игры правила 52 карты[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.cf/golubaya-bezdna-igrat-online-30216]голубая бездна играть online[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/igra-na-dengi-na-skachkah-10270]игра на деньги на скачках[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/queen-of-hearts-avtomat-4724]queen of hearts автомат[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/igrovye-avtomaty-offlayn-15342]игровые автоматы оффлайн[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/skachat-igrovye-avtomaty-geyminator-10239]скачать игровые автоматы гейминатор[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/odnorukiy-bandit-igrovoy-avtomat-13635]однорукий бандит игровой автомат[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.gq/kartochnye-igry-dlya-androida-besplatno-2070]карточные игры для андроида бесплатно[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.ml/biznes-plan-detskih-igrovyh-avtomatov-5650]бизнес план детских игровых автоматов[/url] [url=http://ninjaslots.tk/knizhki-avtomaty-onlayn-16121]книжки автоматы онлайн[/url] а

  5. Everything posted made a great deal of sense. But, think on this, what if you were to create a awesome headline? I am not suggesting your content is not solid., however what if you added a title to maybe get folk’s attention? I mean BLOG_TITLE is a little boring. You could look at Yahoo’s front page and note how they write article titles to get viewers interested. You might add a video or a related pic or two to grab people excited about everything’ve got to say. Just my opinion, it might make your posts a little bit more interesting.|

  6. I’m impressed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s both equally educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I came across this during my hunt for something regarding this.|

  7. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one these days.|

  8. Have you ever considered about adding a little bit more than just your articles?

    I mean, what you say is important and all.
    But imagine if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”!
    Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could certainly be one of the very best in its niche.
    Superb blog!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *