A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

image (1)

Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

379,152 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

  1. 映画「リアル」は、アジア最大規模のカジノをめぐる2人の男の、巨大な秘密と陰謀を描いたアクションノワール映画である。 松本潤と2人で「モデルコンビ」などと言われたりしていた。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/skimai/]花咲舞が黙ってない 杏[/url]
    先日の日曜日、嫁さんが学生時代の友人たちとの昼食会に行ってきました。 ◎チ・ジニ、イ・ジア主演の全2話のファンタジーラブストーリードラマ「雪蓮花」(脚本:ミン・ジウン、演出:ソン・ヒョヌク)が11日、SBSで放送される。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/keizouk/]ケイゾク dvd[/url] ずっと思ってるんだけど、ドルズにもカレンダーがあったらいいな、と思う。 だから今回、NHKが「うららさん」の取材にあたって、たとえば部屋を撮影する時に、背景に映り込んだものが視聴者にどう受け止められるかは、取材した取材班がもっとも用心深く考えなければならないことだった。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/talkxiu]アメトーーク dvd[/url]
    「逃げ恥総理」が日本の行政権の長とは、あまりにも情けない。 イ・スンギは1日午後、忠南(チュンナム) 論山(ノンサン) 訓練所に入所し、入隊について「映画、ドラマ、バラエティなど急に仕事に追われ、やっと行くことになった」とし、「目立つ行動はせず、軍生活を送りたいと思う」と述べた。 [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/bluecoad]コードブルー dvd ボックス[/url]
     ディズニーの「ちいさなプリンセス ソフィア」も、主人公が乗馬に挑戦する際、当初は「女の子には無理」と言われながらも練習に励み、最後に勝つという筋書きがあります。 ☆助演女優賞☆1位★コ・ヒョンジョン(善徳女王)インパクトある敵役といえば、この人以外いないんじゃないでしょうか。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/bluecoad]コードブルー dvd 特典[/url] これだけの人気を博しながら、ソン・ヒョヌクPDは自分の功績より視聴者への感謝を口にする。 『鬼<トッケビ>』に続いて義兵を素材にしたキム・ウンスク作家の新作で誰が女心を狙い撃ちすることになるのか注目が集まる。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/codeblued]新垣結衣 コードブルー[/url]

  2. I am sorry for off-topic, I’m considering about creating an enlightening web-site for individuals. May possibly commence with posting interesting facts just like”Representations of butterflies are seen in Egyptian frescoes at Thebes, which are 3,500 years old.”Please let me know if you know where I can find some related facts such as right here


  3. もう一年一年半も前の話になるが、私は何度かパソコンを買い替いたいパソコンクラブの会員にお供して、パソコン店を訪れたことがある。 windowsPCとBluetoothペアリングし、撮影した画像の転送も問題なし。 [url=http://www.pointing.eu/17721/office2013_1/index.html]office 2013 激安[/url]
    今後もネットオークションは大いに利用するつもり。 A. SQL Server 2008 を実 行するコンピュータへのテレメトリデータベースを移行します。
    [url=http://elektrostandart.com/17714/win_server_1/index.html]windows server Standard[/url] 彼はインターネットのメッセージシステムに「ぼくは(無料の) OSを手がけるつもりだ」と書き込み、ただの趣味でそれをやるのだと付け加えた。 付け加えて、ハードに強いOSメーカー純正でスタイリッシュ、画面に載せる物理ダイヤルインターフェース対応(別売)。
    [url=http://elektrostandart.com/17721/office2016_1/index.html]microsoft excel 価格[/url]
    オレ様♪と上家さんの聴牌でラストとなりました。 前回電源が入らないのに液晶パネルの交換って…故障個所違うんじゃないの?やっぱり次はSONYの液晶テレビ買いません。 [url=http://www.sherbetangel.co.za/17714/office2010_1/index.html]office2010 personal 価格[/url]
    でもたくさんの方法があって、最も少ない時間をエネルギーをかかるのは最高です。 講演のメインテーマは,最近Intelが注力している2つの分野,すなわち3Dカメラ技術「Intel RealSense Technology」(以下,RealSense)と,組み込み用途向けの超小型コンピュータ「Curie」(キュリー)であり,発表されたばかりの最新CPUの話はないも同然だった。
    [url=http://www.agrolmue.com/17710/windows8_1/index.html]produkey windows 8.1[/url] Windows10を搭載したスマートフォンに、Bluetooth接続のキーボードとマウス、HDMIでディスプレイを接続すれば、デスクトップパソコンのように使うこともでき、使い慣れたキーボードとマウスを接続し、大画面でOfficeソフトを快適に利用することもできます。 今回は、64ビットOSにしたので、メモリを2GB追加して4GBに、そして、少し処理を速くするため、CPUをCore i3-2120に交換しています。
    [url=http://www.sternenbote-blog.com/1777/windows10_1/index.html]windows 10 の ダウンロード[/url]

  4. Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your site
    and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your
    blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and
    even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *