A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

image (1)

Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

230,928 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

  1. We stumbled over here different web address and thought I may as well check things out.
    I like what I see so now i’m following you. Look forward to going over your web page yet again.

  2. Meilleur Site Achat Cialis Cialis 10mg Online Viagra 100mg Filmtabletten Wirkung [url=http://sildenafdosage.com]viagra online[/url] Levitra 10mg Belgique Where To Purchase Tretinoin Dosage Size For Amoxicillin

  3. 各セグメントは一回しか、 一回以上、 または全く使用することがないかもしれません。 また、非常に分かりやすいユーザー・インターフェースのおかげで熟練者にも、初心者にもストレスなく手軽くに操作することができる。 [url=http://reclame.net.ua/17718/office2013_1/index.html]office2013 ソフト[/url]
     しかし現在は、Windows 10への無償アップグレードが「オプション」から「推奨される更新プログラム」に変更されている。 ※セミナー当日、ノートPC / Android端末はお客様でご用意下さい。
    [url=http://www.solveproblem.in/17720/office2016_1/index.html]office2016 プロダクト キー[/url] ファイルサイズは約4GBで、思ったより小さい。  「Windows RTはx86ベースのアプリケーションをサポートしないが、Microsoftは自社で展開するタブレット端末『Microsoft Surface』をはじめ、ARM搭載端末にプリインストールできるOfficeの開発に取り組んでいる。
    [url=http://mihribanoguz.com/17718/office2010_1/index.html]microsoft excel 価格[/url]
    なんだか、今年からマイナンバーの記載をしないといけないようだが、自分のマイナンバーが分からないし、めんどくさかったので、マイナンバーは記載せずに郵送した。 お疲れ様です  と声を掛けてやりたい位に働いてくれました。 [url=http://eiominvoimin.fi/17720/office2013_1/index.html]office personal 2013 ダウンロード 版[/url]
    チカラ抜けました~~~なお、ついでにWin7SP1のも見つけました。 そんなわけで、Windows7からWindows10のアップデートは、専用ハードウエアを使ったものでない限りオンラインでもDVDでもUSBメモリーでも問題なく行えるし、気に入らなかったら元に戻すことも可能である。
    [url=http://italian-machazor.com/1777/office2013_1/index.html]office 2013 通販[/url] 人間とは、 о己の冒された尊厳を守るために闘えること(自立自我) -なのであり、 оいつも怒り、闘っている人間 -こそ、 о人間(ひと) -の定義であろう。 ・クリップボードへのリンクのコピー・UWPの新しいローカルメディアフォルダの検出・My Peopleと夜間モードの改善5つ目の設定の改善点は以下の通りです。
    [url=http://www.cancerpack.org/17713/windows10_1/index.html]windows 10 アップグレード[/url]

  4. Acquistare Kamagra Caen Celexa Online No Prescription Source Of Amoxicillin [url=http://tadalaf20mg.com]viagra cialis[/url] Aquachem Kamagra Strep Throat Amoxicillin Dosage

  5. Rxmeds Hub Order Viagra Online Buying Macrobid 100mg Secure Tabs Online Drug Store [url=http://cheapvia50mg.com]viagra online prescription[/url] Classifica Propecia Acheter Kamagra En France Acheter Levitra Ligne

  6. Prezzo Kamagra Germania Canada Pharmacies Online Prescriptions [url=http://realviaonline.com]generic viagra[/url] Lasix In Usa Can Amoxicillin Cause Drug Induced Rhinitis

  7. 調査は、プール活動や水遊びが本格化する季節を前に、4~5月に全国から抽出した412カ所を対象にアンケートを実施。 私が前回のSurface Pro 3に感じていた最大の不満はWindows 8.1とキーボードの設定方法だった。 [url=http://softwarejp.com/category-2-b0-Office.html]ms office 2010 personal[/url]
    引数としては、レジストリキーの値をそのまま使うことにして、「WindowsLogon」「WindowsLogoff」「SystemExit」の3つを想定している。 ゲームの生配信が、高画質&時間のズレほとんどなしでできるように(でも誰も見ていない)去年マイクロソフトは、TwitchやYouTubeのような巨大企業と競合する、ゲーム実況のためのライブストリーム・プラットフォーム「Beam」を買収しました。
    [url=http://www.aakeys.com/microsoft-office-professional-plus-2013-product-key-sale-p-586.html]office personal 2013 ダウンロード 版[/url]  EU諸国も、中国の東シナ海や南シナ海でも横暴の事実を知っていながら、貿易面でのメリットを考えて、あまり積極的な発言をしません。 ③『office2016をインストールする』と表示されるので、クリックしてofficeをインストールしてください それで、私が『ご連絡いただいた電子メールアドレスとパスワードはMicrosoftアカウントとパスワードですか?』と問い合わせたら、『そうです』という返信でした。
    [url=http://www.aakeys.com/microsoft-office-professional-plus-2013-product-key-sale-p-586.html]office 2013 価格[/url]
    ・発表ファイル名には、演題番号と発表者氏名を必ずつけてください。 をやらないと回復しないそのほか、かなり「俺様」なアプリです。 [url=http://www.aakeys.com/]windows8 1 ダウンロード[/url]
    動作もサクサクで、キーボードもかなり反応が良い。 あなたはホームグループに新しいコンピュータに参加し、 ホームグループの共有フォ ルダにゕクセスしてみます。
    [url=http://www.aakeys.com/buy-windows-8-key-code-c-105.html]win8.1 アップグレード[/url]  攻撃者が脆弱性を悪用すると、リモートで任意のコードを実行される恐れがある。  以上のことから、Win10への無償アップデートはまだまだ続くと思います。
    [url=http://softwarejp.com/category-2-b0-Office.html]microsoft office 安い[/url]

  8. Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this website.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s tough to get
    that “perfect balance” between usability and visual appeal.
    I must say that you’ve done a amazing job with this.
    Additionally, the blog loads very quick for me on Opera.
    Superb Blog!

  9. Thanks for the recommendations shared on the blog. One more thing I would like to convey is that fat reduction is not about going on a dietary fad and trying to shed as much weight that you can in a couple of weeks. The most effective way to burn fat is by taking it slowly and gradually and right after some basic recommendations which can make it easier to make the most out of your attempt to slim down. You may know and already be following a few of these tips, however reinforcing awareness never damages.

  10. I believe that avoiding refined foods will be the first step in order to lose weight. They could taste fine, but processed foods include very little vitamins and minerals, making you consume more just to have enough power to get throughout the day. When you are constantly eating these foods, changing to whole grain products and other complex carbohydrates will assist you to have more strength while ingesting less. Good blog post.

  11. Thanks for your publish. My partner and i have usually seen that many people are needing to lose weight simply because wish to look slim and attractive. Nonetheless, they do not usually realize that there are other benefits so that you can losing weight in addition. Doctors claim that obese people are afflicted with a variety of illnesses that can be perfectely attributed to their excess weight. The great thing is that people who definitely are overweight as well as suffering from diverse diseases can help to eliminate the severity of their particular illnesses through losing weight. You’ll be able to see a gradual but noticeable improvement in health whenever even a moderate amount of losing weight is achieved.

  12. I mastered more interesting things on this fat loss issue. One particular issue is that good nutrition is vital if dieting. A huge reduction in junk food, sugary food, fried foods, sweet foods, pork, and white flour products could be necessary. Holding wastes harmful bacteria, and harmful toxins may prevent targets for losing weight. While specific drugs in the short term solve the matter, the horrible side effects usually are not worth it, and in addition they never offer you more than a non permanent solution. It can be a known incontrovertible fact that 95 of celebrity diets fail. Many thanks for sharing your ideas on this web site.

  13. Off course, you could attempt and get just as much money possible,
    to function a lot and aspire to get young beauties in your soul pre-owned Porsche.

    There is also nothing wrong with bringing a buddy or family member
    along of course, if this is not possible, these individuals needs to be provided
    with everything related to the meeting such as
    the place and time. Take of a month to mend, think, put yourself
    in order making a want to get your ex back.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *