A Careful Expectation

The weather on February 19th in my neck of the woods was stunning. Cold, clear, crisp, and bright. God-sized handfuls of snow still lingered in the shady places and puffs of pure white clouds broke up the otherwise winter blue.  I settled the car seat shakily into its base, holding my tongue between my teeth until I got it at the precise angle and then “click”. My sleeping daughter threw out her fisted hands in a brief startle and then settled back to sleep.  She was 5 days old and we were leaving the hospital. I climbed gingerly into the passenger seat, careful to place my lap belt in a spot that didn’t aggravate incision and we were off. The distance between the hospital and our house at the time was short but between my racing thoughts and my husband’s never-so-slow driving it felt like an eternity. I was already wresting with my demons and pushing away the creeping symptoms of postpartum depression, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew is that my life was completely changed…and nothing was how I thought it would be.

image (1)

Do you know what comes up when you google “quotes about expectation”? A lot of stuff that people have said or written about heartache and disappointment. Because that is what expectation breeds. And yet that is a massive part of what life is and how we live it. We anticipate. We plan. We schedule and we imagine. We set goals and dream of a hopeful, beautiful future. But there is a giant elephant in the room as we prepare for life, because while we can close our eyes and picture how we expect even the next hour to play out, we also know that the calendar can become figuratively erased by one phone call or a 103 degree fever. At the same time, we can’t not plan. That is what pregnancy is! Showers and appointments and nesting are all things that we do as we expect the most remarkable treasure to enter our lives. It’s all necessary. Well, most of it is necessary…(says the woman who might be selling the crib that was slept in 5 times and traded for a twin-sized mattress on the floor…). But in the details of that expectation, fear and darkness have a way of taking hold even as we are imagining perfect peace and joy. The most pessimistic of parents don’t purchase a crib and bottles and clothing for their expected baby without some imagination of what it will be like. As we accumulate the gear we begin to read and we grab hold of certain ideas that resonate with our souls. “I will breastfeed”. “I will bottle feed”. “I will deliver my baby naturally at home”. “I will stick to my set birth plan so that my epidural is timed perfectly for delivery”. “My baby will start sleeping in this beautiful pine crib right around his 6 month birthday”. “We will put the kids to bed together every night so that they can both hear the same bedtime story”. And so on and so forth. What is wrong with that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing because our dreams are life-giving and powerful. But if those dreams become the plan? The expectation and not just the hope? That is where fear and anxiety find their breeding ground. Because Darkness loves nothing more than to crush our joy with disappointment. And life happens. Changes to the birth plan happen. Reflux and NICU stays happen. Babies who we long to breastfeed cannot, or ones we need to take a bottle so we can go back to work don’t. Siblings get sick. Jobs are lost. Pets die. And there is joy and beauty to be found in ALL of it, if we are prepared to let go of our expectations.

I was not prepared to let go. Most often I’m still not. I’m a stubborn, dreamy optimist and if you ask my husband he will tell you that I throw little fits when my plans fail. I’m learning to hide hope in my heart to last through those alterations. To envision a rough sketch, an impressionist painting of how I would like things to turn out with the details left to be filled in by life’s creator. You and I are right where we are supposed to be. Our children are right where they are supposed to be. If we can trust that, and lean into that truth as our saving grace, then there isn’t any room left for fear.

Will you commit with me to trust more and hold less tightly the vision of a well-planned life? I’d love to hear your thoughts. And as always, love on and love well.

135,453 thoughts on “A Careful Expectation”

  1. 煩わしい配線から解放されることで、 デバイスを持ち運んだ旅行先でも最高のゲーム体験が楽しめます。 また、タッチパッドには「スマート・タッチ・センサー」を搭載。 [url=http://www.key7jp.com/norton-360-500-41.html]ノートン ログイン[/url]
    拳を握り腕を胸の前にする敬礼 手のひらを見せない敬礼(般的)また挙手の敬礼と直立の敬礼でもいいし、挙手の敬礼と10度の敬礼(会釈)でもいい。  どうなっているのか調べたらMicrosoftのUnidrvがいつのまにか組み込まれてすいすいプリントOKのありさま。
    [url=http://www.key7jp.com/norton-i-s-1-3-39.html]ノートン 再インストール[/url] 自分が買ってきて旧パソコンにインストールしたアプリケーションについては、業者にやってもらうと別途料金がかかるため、自分でやるしかない。 これを売国奴と言わずになんといえばよいのか!悪魔に魂を売ったような首相は北朝鮮へでも行ってとっとと消えてほしい!。
    [url=http://www.key7jp.com/windows8-1-01-64-9.html]win 8.1 インストール[/url]
    でも臨時出費15万円を補てんするために、しっかりお金を稼がなければならないので、当分は戻らないかな?花咲けアバターのファイルを壊れたPCのデスクトップに保存していたので、今あるものだけで着替えができなくなり、長年なじんでたアバターなだけに結構寂しいです。 唯一の欠点は、他のツールと比較 すると画質が劣るという点なのですが、DeepAnalysisを使用すると、かなり綺麗に仕上がる。 [url=http://www.key7jp.com/Visio-Professional-2016-49.html]office2016 メディア 購入[/url]
    男性教諭は「なぜしてしまったか分からない」と話しているという。 試験に合格して認証資格を取るのはそのような簡単なことです。
    [url=http://www.key7jp.com/windows7-03-13.html]produkey windows 7[/url] 名前が体現するように、3Dやブロードキャスト機能など、クリエイター向けにフォーカスしたアップデートになっている。 参考サイト TREVOスタッフblog 「第八回 便利なchromeのアドオン(拡張機能)簡単翻訳 Google Translate」■Edgeは使えない、と分かったところで次へ。
    [url=http://www.key7jp.com/office2013-home-23.html]office2013 プロダクト キー[/url]

  2. cbd oil for pain for sale best cbd hemp oil for pain [url=https://cbdoil4u.org/cbd-oil-for-pain/]cbd oil for pain reviews[/url] cbd oil for pain relief where to buy
    cbd oil for pain relief cbd oil for pain control cbd oil for pain cbd oil for pain control

  3. ジャニーズ初のミリオン作品となった曲ですが、印象としては、当時のマッチ人気に乗っかったという気がしないでもありません。 今日からテレビ東京系列で放送が開始されるこのタイミングだけど、自分も昨日からリアルな某所の医療現場へ!って、 何時もとは違うけど此処でも仕事の詳細は守秘義務上書けないから…休憩のランチ。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/codeblued/]コード・ブルー dvd,コード・ブルー dvd box,月9,山P ガッキー[/url]
    パク・ボゴムはこの日、今年の海外スター賞を受賞した。 『ソサエティゲーム』は、制御された円形の村で22人の出演者が繰り広げる14日間の模擬社会ゲームショーを扱ったバラエティだ。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/codeblued/]コード・ブルー dvd,コード・ブルー dvd box,月9,山P ガッキー[/url] 堂本光一主演のテレビ朝日系金曜ナイトドラマ「スシ王子!」(27日スタート23:15〜)の制作発表が24日、都内で行われ、主演の堂本光一が子役の阿久津賀紀(よしき)と“スシ握り対決”。 華やかな世界を生き抜く上での、クールな哲学を語った。
    [url=http://blog.goo.ne.jp/weiman]ボクらの勇気 未満都市 動画[/url]
    ⑥ 約70分(所有しているCDでは、研究者によって再構築された作品になっている)。 リオネルメッシを「異次元、宇宙人」とは、全く本気では認めてません。 [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/raintakl/]アメトーーク! dvd box,アメトーーク! dvd,アメトーーク 仮面ライダー,最新 お笑い・バラエティストア ランキング[/url]
    ※昔、上記のように事細かいことまで記録されていたかがいささか疑問です。 仲のいい人には写メールを送った」とまんざらでもない表情で話した。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/fukuie/]福家警部補の挨拶 DVD BOX,福家警部補の挨拶 DVD,福家警部補の挨拶 DVD 激安,SMAP  石松 福家警部補[/url] つくるひとの池田Pのお話聴いてきました~http://dogatch.jp/interview/tsukuruhito/index.html?bclid=p-int_no.16#1~3の実写化についての苦労話しや、キャステイングのお話しなどもしかりなんですが。 とにかく、幸せそうに恋愛するソ・ジソブが新鮮! 鍛え上げられた肉体を存分に披露し、普段は厳しくシブく決めているのに、時折垣間見せてしまう、デレっとした表情は、プライベートの彼の素顔を垣間見たようで、見ているこちらまで幸せな気持ちになる。
    [url=http://blog.livedoor.jp/raintakl/]アメトーーク! dvd box,アメトーーク! dvd,アメトーーク 仮面ライダー,最新 お笑い・バラエティストア ランキング[/url]

  4. I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I
    never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me.
    Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you
    did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  5. This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  6. Great paintings! This is the kind of info that are supposed to be shared around the internet. Shame on the seek engines for not positioning this post upper! Come on over and visit my web site . Thanks =)

  7. fantastic submit, very informative. I ponder why the opposite specialists of this sector do not notice this.
    You must continue your writing. I’m confident, you’ve a huge
    readers’ base already!

  8. Thank you so much for giving everyone such a breathtaking chance to read in detail from here. It is always very useful and jam-packed with a lot of fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your site a minimum of three times a week to find out the latest things you have got. And indeed, we’re certainly impressed concerning the mind-blowing solutions you give. Certain 2 ideas on this page are in truth the finest we have had.

  9. whoah this weblog is magnificent i really like reading your posts. Keep up the good work! You understand, lots of persons are looking around for this info, you could aid them greatly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *